she's lost inside

165 posts on...

2008-04-03T17:27:00.002+08:00

this blog has served me well. it has heard my share of nonsense and wisdom. through this blog, i've reached out to my dearest friends and expressed the things that matter to me for the past 3 years.

but i think it's time to move on to another phase of my life. while this blog was built around my jc years and my first year in university, it's time to document the rest of my uni life in another place. a place where i can truly be myself.

i'll be moving to almostbelieving.livejournal.com. perhaps i'll see you there.

so long, and farewell :)

what a fortunate realization

2008-03-31T11:25:00.003+08:00

i just realised that i haven't gone out since the last time i blogged, other than fetching my mom to the car repair workshop and lunch after that. i think that's why i had to get out of the house yesterday. unfortunately i was out the whole day!

studying = out of sight, out of mind. hahaha.

the afternoon was spent with ian/boyfriend/comfort company :) we had kenny rogers for lunch! which was very good - macaroni&cheese, corn niblets, roasters wings, mashed potato and corn muffin. mmhmm, very good. hahaha after that we walked around a bit and then decided to slack our time away at carls junior with a regular sized refillable drink. haha we're such stingy pigs. but yes, we took our usual seat next to raffles boulevard and watched the cars go by. i realise that talking about cars can be very relaxing. but the beloved CC made me very tired yesterday. hahaha.

dinner was supposed to be a triple date+claudio the unhealthy smoker at hog's breath at chijmes. as usual, we stole their coasters. hahaha. food was good. ian and i shared the natural prime rib with extra fries and no salad/vege. help. cardiovascular disease alert. hahaha. we had lots of fun making fun of each other and carrying on alternating sarcastic and retarded conversations. haha. after that we wanted to have half-priced dessert at menotti, so we went around doing aimless window shopping at raffles city in anticipation of 10pm. and not to mention, lots of camwhoring. and some people we call our boyfriends pesking around with the slr. hahaha. menotti dessert was good although i only finished half of my soffiato (which was very good). i think we were all uber bloated by the end of the night.

some err, interesting quotes of the night:

me: adam, i think you'll need to see dory in future (for psychiatric treatment). you're delusional! [adam inserts blank expression] you think you're god's gift to mankind, don't you?
adam: yeah, i'm godsent what. [HELP.]

waiter: sir, would you like salad or vegetables to go with your steak? [it came with the steak]
ian: I WANT FRIES. [haha the classic potato monster moment.]

[ian looks into huilin's fisheye camera without taking off the lens cover]
huilin: IAN! you didnt take the cover off lor!
ian: but i just want to see, i dont want to take photo!
huilin: but if you dont take off the cover, you can't see.
ian: [indignant] i can see!
huilin: CANNOT SEE LAH.
[adam grabs the fisheye and looks through] adam: haiyo can see lah, your own cam you dont know meh.
[huilin grabs the cam and receives enlightenment]huilin: oh ya ah! can see hor? [oh goodness, bimbo moment of the day?!]

ian: you and dory should open a clinic together! then she specialise in psychiatry, you specialise in asthetics lah! she can tell all her patients that they're ugly then you'll earn a lot when they go to you next door! [yes, ever the enterprising one.]

[claudio takes mayo like no ones business and therefore keeps asking for mayo from a slightly effeminate waiter]
denzil: maybe it's organic mayo. hurhur.
claudio: [disgusted but still keeps taking more mayo from that waiter]
denzil: haiyo, that guy must be working damn hard to keep giving you mayo lah. [HELP.]

claudio: [while trying to take a photo of us] eeee. how come the button wet wet one!
denzil: haiya, organic mayo lah.

dory said some retarded things about her weight too, which i cant really rmb the exact words. another delusional one about her weight. hahaha of course, i was being my usual sane self. [ting ting ting, angelic smile]. hehehe. this post is so going to ruffle some feathers. haha.

the trip home was err, bumpy, to say the least. haha i shall not complain about stupid cab drivers in singapore who are hopelessly opportunistic once the clock strikes 11 and they are impossible to flag down during that time because they want your midnight surcharge and their stupid customer service officers refuse to pick up your calls and play you unending lift music and when they finally pick you up late, they drive like it's formula 1 racing and are grumpy in the process. okay i couldn't control myself. i had to rant about this because i didn't think that the cab situation from 11-12 was so bad until yesterday. and i made 2 guys wait with me for elusive cabs for what seemed like a million years. rah! public transport, sigh. and so i missed my curfew yesterday. no repercussions yet, though. hehehe.

anyway i shall be shutting and locking myself at home from now on. i obviously need to study harder. free biochem answers depress me. hahaha. really must step up on the revision now. GO. okay perhaps i'll upload some of the camwhoring moments we had yesterday when i next have my bored-to-tears-and-need-some-leisure moment. i hope my current motivation doesn't wear off too quickly and cause other self-destructive behaviour. like binge eating and online shopping and trawling the net mindlessly for hours on end. okay i will now stand firm and forge on. it'll all be over in 2 weeks or so. yay yay yay! okay guyton here i come, bye!

whenever, wherever

2008-03-27T13:53:00.006+08:00

i hereby showcase the things i've been doing during my free time for the past 5 days or so.

my brother's belated birthday present.

and the present for the boyfriend. random one, yes. it turned out quite well, though i don't think i was successful in making the subject person cry! hurhur okay am sadistic.

anyway yesterday was one interesting day. i'm glad that it turned out well. though we were all so exhausted by the end of the day, and though this is probably not the end of the emotional trauma, but it's good that it's the beginning of the end.

today was another interesting day, and since i figured i'm the only one who would feel this way, i shall make a list! to make it more interesting to the people reading this. okay i dont make sense - lists aren't interesting. ahh, whatever. hurhur.

my car is a moving club! hahaha i was playing my step up 2 soundtrack today and when i turned up the volume, it really felt like i was in a club. the thumping bass was fantastic. hurhur love my hyundai sound system. and no ian, the doors were NOT falling off.

i took my hep b booster. actually i had a lot to complain about yesterday cos of some horrible inefficient hospital staff, but i was quite happy with the service at the uhwc today. hehe. they let me cut queue here and there cos it was just an injection, the people serving me were very nice, and the person who gave me the injection (i dont know whether she was a nurse or doctor, oops) was very kind and gave me the vaccination drug insert! hahaha.

i got wolf whistled at while i was crossing the road. okay i know this is nothing to be thrilled about, but it was quite amusing! i think it had something to do with me wearing my giant sunglasses.

a man at the uhwc who was sitting next to me said i had a nice name (yay!), and wished me a good day. haha and he was staring at my amino acid metabolism notes.

traffic was good, and so i only took 20 minutes to get to school :) it's obviously a refreshing experience as compared to the usual morning crawl. haha.

i had subway for lunch - always satisfying!

okay that about sums up my day so far. okay come to think of it, it isn't all that interesting. oh well. hehehe time to mug lah. MUG SONIA, MUG. okay here i go now. EXTRA STRENGTH FOR EXTRA POWER. no, not redbull, goldfish. it's the tagline for med sch mugging. it's an endurance sport. haha.

the way you can always make me smile, or even better, reduce me into a laughing fit, whenever, wherever. yes, it's my favourite too :)

have a good day, y'all!

my short reprieve from mugging

2008-03-24T17:34:00.004+08:00

i've taken the weekend off after the CAs, and i have to say that it's been a weekend well spent. after physio CA on thursday, i went off with liesel to the physio dialogue with the med educationalist. while the food was good (japanese!), i wouldn't count that session as an enjoyable way to celebrate the end of CAs. basically, we gave our feedback, it was recorded, and explanations were given by the dean's office, etc. it wasn't easy trying to get a word in. but well, i think that's cos they picked the right people to go for the session. anyway the curriculum for next year's batch of med year 1s will be really different from what we're going through now. however, it remains to be seen whether it's going to be a better way of learning medicine. anyhow, the session wasn't too bad lah. i survived it! hurhur.

after that, i met tracy at wheelock, and we did some shopping at laine's paperterie, which was the scrapbooking store i wanted to check out. the decor over there isn't as cosy or organized, and so i had a really bad time trying to find supplies for the boyfriend's present. a headache ensued soon after. hahaha. after that we did our usual mos burger chat session at taka, and did some very good shopping at art friend and creative hands on level 4. much cheaper supplies than at laine's or mwl. yay! hehehe.

dinner was finger licking good at kfc with ian :) and i watched step up 2! :D it was fantastic. there was no storyline whatsoever, but the dance moves were groovin' baby! hahaha i've gotten myself the soundtrack and like the oc, i'm groovin' to it while doing my stuff. hahaha.

good friday was spent with the family doing the usual public holiday thing. crystal jade dimsum brunch followed by good ol' shopping in orchard. as usual, i bought stuff from zara and promod. haha. dinner was at the soup spoon! which was rather good, though i'll rather save the money and spend it on subway. hahaha.

saturday! i met up with huilin and we drove to suntec to have carl's jr. we had a not-so-usual catch up session, and then we shopped around. huilin, being bad influence, tried her best to get me to skip my chocolate appreciation workshop in school to go shopping at haji with her. honestly i had a very tough time deciding, but i guess my righteous side prevailed and i went to school. hahaha. the workshop was quite interesting, learning more about truffles, pralines, couverture and things like that. we tasted some couverture chocolate too, which was very good :) it was too bad that we couldn't make the chocolates according to their plans cos a carpeted-aircon environment isn't suited for baking. oh well. but now i know how to choose my chocolates :D dinner after that was at cartel in j8 with ian. plus some retarded body shop shopping. hahaha.

sunday! my last scrapbooking lesson, which wasn't as good as the previous ones cos i wasn't feeling too well. but at least i got my mothers' day layout done! hehehe.

my weekend was really good, and now i'm feeling a huge load of inertia to start my revision again for the pros. okay i'll start lah. after dinner, hurhur. like joy said, it's time to draw up an efficient studying plan. perhaps it'll be good to study in the science library. perhaps. ah! am hungry. i'll think about that later.

bye!

deviant med sch behaviour

2008-03-19T14:07:00.002+08:00

i do that to my snell sometimes too, during my frequent intervals of distraction between mugging sessions.

everyday, when i come home from school, the first thing i'll do is to stuff my face and surf the net simultaneously. yes, even on days where there are exams the next day and there's huge pile of notes lying next to me. during this time, i forget the impending doom i'll face the next day, and the petrifying thoughts of vivas. i'll get totally immersed in my cyber world, blogsurfing, online shopping, looking at beautiful photographs, and sourcing for cheap scrapbooking supplies. most of the time, i become overly fascinated with some image site, or fashion blog, or online shop.

such as today. today, i discovered a new image site called deviant art. the photos on that site are taken by independent photographers, some using professional techniques, and others using cult methods such as in lomography. either way, they turn out fantastic, even more fantastic than those i see in gettyimages, i think.

and threadless is having a USD$9 sale for their tshirts! the spree communities are going crazy organising their sprees, especially as the us dollar is depreciating so drastically. it's SGD$1 = USD$1.42 now. and so i went, surfing around threadless for interesting shirts for the boyfriend and myself. due to the sale, site traffic was horrendous and they had to shut their site for maintenance for an hour or so. hahaha after all that trouble of picking out 2 nice shirts, i decided against buying anything. because 1. the USD may drop some more! am in frugal mode now, since i splurged on david&goliath last week already when the exchange rate was $1.46! and 2. a check on the spree-rs' purchases has allowed me to reach a conclusion that most of the people are buying the same shirts. and since quite a lot of people in med sch are already smittened with threadless shirts, i'm not about to allow myself to be caught in a situation where someone is in the same shirt as me! hahaha this paragraph is so bimbotic and philistine. i apologize, haha.

i've discovered more fashion blogs! they're actually quite interesting. the content is usually about the latest trends about town, and also those on the catwalk. i'm not as crazy as the OC to download videos of models walking, but i do like to read their sarcastic and sometimes over-enthusiastic reviews of the latest S/S 08 collection, for example. it is quite an art, you know, to psych out the latest trends. it's like being a investment banker doing research on the most reliable and profitable investments. hurhur perhaps my dress sense will improve. nah, who am i kidding.

and! i've found yet another scrapbooking supplies store at wheelock! am going to take a trek down to town after physio tmr with tracy to check it out :) i've also discovered many online scrapbooking stores. i shall browse through them this weekend to decrease spendings on expensive scrapbooking supplies. hehehe.

as to the exams, well. i've come to realise med sch exams are like having sensitive teeth. like in the advertisement for colgate, you will experience a short, shart pain during the exam period. cos it's just 3 days worth of 1 hour papers. but it's a lifelong experience where you can't get rid of this numbing voice in your head which keeps telling you to study. anat spots was da bomb. it really exploded in my face. i was busy being depressed yesterday, which led to poor revision for today's biochem. which led to too many instances of being tricked by the questions. i'm going to be unbelievably grateful if i don't fall below the average grade. sigh.

on a side note, i've been selected along with some others to go for a physio dialogue with a senior med educationalist together with prof hooi! okay, there's lunch provided, but why me! haha i am vaguely suspicious that this has something to do with a distant parental connection. but then again, i may be overreacting. if it really is random, then i really am err, lucky? well okay a paragraph this long obviously proves that i'm overreacting. hahaha.

i will now take a short nap to allow my brain to rest for a bit. it's the last paper tomorrow! exciting weekend ahead :D and i shall NOT be distracted by that fact - the infamous last-paper-tmr effect. ahaha. GOOD LUCK GOOD LUCK. haha what are the chances that you anyone of you guys will actually read this today? never mind. it'll reach you all in spirit.

bye!

well it's about time.

2008-03-17T00:43:00.001+08:00

finally, sympathetic stimulation is kicking in.

life's little pleasures

2008-03-15T03:23:00.003+08:00

today, i take pride in taking note of my recent little victories.

1. i'm done with my 1st reading for the cas. i have to admit to myself that it wasn't the most thorough revision i've done, but yes, it's done. now it's time to focus on the impending spots exam. i will prevail.

2. i've decided to participate in some therapeutic online shopping by taking part in my 2nd david&goliath spree! i think i went a lil overboard, buying 3 clearance t-shirts. but hey, i managed to spend under 50 bucks :) i can't wait to see my purchases, hurhur.

3. the scrapbooking course has been one of the best things that i decided to do. it's the best part of my otherwise deadly-boring-filled-with-mugging weekends. playing with the various tools and crafts can be so cathartic. haha especially when the hammer is involved.

4. the commotion on my tagboard is very amusing, and unbelievably uplifting :)

5. because of scrapbooking, i've come to be slightly addicted to photography! especially photos taken by interesting cult cameras (such as the one above). holgas, 35mm cams, 2/3/4 shot cams, fisheyes, etc. the imperfection achieved in the photos is so intriguing! and its novelty just ups the I-WANT-IT factor. help! i must resist until the end of exams when i can consult huilin. hahaha.

6. i know i can count on you for what i need, when i need it :) whether it's a ridiculous conversation on the phone because mugging has been too suffocating, a last minute lunch date just cos i'm having another one of those cravings, or a hug when i need reassurance and security - thank you :)

7. i know that liberation is drawing near. just one more month babies!

just 3 more days till cas. let's go, it'll be over soon.

completely imperfect

2008-03-10T20:53:00.003+08:00

do you know what's worse than being frigging pissed with someone else?
it's being frigging ungodly freakishly unbelievably annoyed with yourself.

do you know what's worse than straight and upfront sarcasm?
it's the kind of seemingly sincere concern given to you with an obvious sarcasm which shocks you cos you dont know how to react.

do you know what's worse than someone scolding you for uttering nonsense?
it's being given the sarcastic 'i can't believe that you just said that' chuckle with a 'i'm glad i'm so much better than you' smirk.

do you know what's worse than not knowing what to believe in and not having a mind of your own?
it's having your own justified reasonable stand being opposed, crushed and shred into pieces just because it's your stand.

do you know what's worse than knowing that you can't be yourself?
it's not knowing what kind of person you've turned into now.

do you know what i need from you now?
no, i know you don't.

it's been a bad day, it seems. a good day for incoherence, angst, and a huge helping of jadedness. but i dont even have time for these feelings. here they come, off they have to go. no wonder it seems to come back and attack me at the most random times.

steady hands, just take the wheel
steady feet, dont fail me now

do you see what i see?

i'm sticking with you.

2008-03-08T17:11:00.003+08:00

if you were a wink, i'd be a nod
if you were a seed, well i'd be a pod.
if you were the floor, i'd wanna be the rug.
and if you were a kiss, i know i'd be a hug.

so long and farewell

2008-03-03T19:31:00.014+08:00

dorinda has left for the land down under! how very exciting. our send off at T3 on saturday night was filled with laughs, camwhoring, hugs, and sadly, tears.

i will miss you darling.

in exchange for the nearest phone call for SOS whenever i need heart-to-heart talk, frivolous shopping sprees, and chilling out sessions at cafes/restaurants/parks, i'm glad that you'll be going off to do what we both want to do. medicine. and you better come back and toil in the wards, no pangseh please. hahaha. no slacking baby! although i think your school life over there will be 10X more happening than here, and there's the whole lot of independence to play with. FRUGAL PLAN in session, no? hahaha please do take care and we'll see you in july :D SUMMER BREAK (YOUR WINTER? OR SPRING?) MADNESS HERE WE COME. yay!

pictures! inclusive of the present-making session at ps gelare with some lutu and the send off with everyone.

my 6 designs for the present! hard work okay.

hard at work and totally stressing out cos of lack of ideas for the layout. of course huilin was slacking! still got time to take photo. hahaha.

we gave lutu something to do - record camwhoring moments please. hurhurhur.

ta-daa! the final product. so pretty right! that girl didn't even bring it over, thinking that it's ruddy cardboard. it's GOOD QUALITY PAPER LAH. haiyo must get the denzil to bring it over in may. hehe.

the crazies :D very good company indeed.

THAT'S MANLY! our crazy pose. roy and the boyfriend in the background with phoon.

the tall gang! okay i'm not so tall. claudio the mambo king, denzil the mad/ahbeng/beacon and phoon the dancing kaki. i suspect our SUMMER BREAK MADNESS will include them :)

see what they always like to do with my hair! haiyo always oil-ify and dirty it with their nostrils and pesky lil fingers. haiyozzz.

sunday was spent at the clinic and at ps madewithlove with tracy for our 1st scrapbooking design basics course session! it was VERY FUN. below is the bonus layout that we've done, just one of the many things that we did in that 3-drag-till-4 hours. hahaha i'll say it was worth my time, though the money spent is what i'll call err, frivolous. it's really relaxing though :) oh yes, we were the 2 youngest people in the workshop. the rest were housewives. haha yes i'm so going to spend my time scrapbooking my life away during retirement. i'm hoping that i'll remember all these techniques still, when i'm 70. hurhurhur.

today it's back to school baby. only 2 weeks more till CAs overwhelm again. then 1 month of more studying, then the PROS will hit us like a tsunami. ooh i can't wait. then it'll be the long-awaited summer break! haha. okay wait, let me pass my fa first! which i totally screwed today. sighs. my lecture buddies and i took a picture today! hahaha.

time to do some studying and figure out my renal fa. red words everywhere baby. byebye!

unintentional consequences.

2008-02-28T22:36:00.005+08:00

it's time to update about yesterday's RECESS WEEK WED MADNESS. hehehe it was actually in dory's honour that we've all come out for her last mambo and a sleepover. pictures are also up! thanks, marshmallow queen! (haha, not princess please.)

the night started with my kenny rogers dinner which was great and was filled with spatterings of bitching sessions by various participants of the night. hahaha. cheese and macaroni and corn niblets with roasters wings made my day :)

after that we moved on to zouk to attempt to get the stamps of entry first before the crowd came along. unfortunately by the time we got there, the crowd was already horrendous cos it was recess week. the queue stretched up to 100m away from zouk. HELP. full house at phuture, so it was horror for r&b babes in da house. haha. after getting our stamps for velvet and mambo, we strolled off towards dbl o + o bar. it was great, taking photos on the drawbridge across the singapore river and going slightly high on ourselves. hehehe.

dbl o was playing trance music and my alcoholic friends were just busy flirting shamelessly with the bartender and hanging at the bar for shots and drinks. being my usual anal non-alcoholic self, i was left with phoon and denzil and the occasional charis, vibrating to ourselves to trance music while waiting for the members of alcoholic anonymous. haha. when they finally got their fill of alcohol (read: super high already), we headed down to o bar for the only shot of good dancing of the night to r&b and hiphop. oh yes i met navleen there! what a pleasant surprise. we had lots of fun, and i was in my element. which led to huilin's interesting comment about dory's and my dancing. WELL WELL.

mambo was next. it was my first time at mambo, and my expectations of fun and enjoyment were shattered when the first song they played when i stepped in was.... SESAME STREET. HELP. what is going on! hahaha and there was girlfriend by avril lavigne. and simple plan. i didnt know those existed in the 70's and 80's. hahaha i need to complain about mambo. the actions are weird! and make the guys on the podium look horribly effeminate, no matter how accurate their movements seem to be. and the bloody dry ice they were blowing every 5 minutes was not very welcome. so i was vibrating to myself through every song. i must say that i'm not the most fun-loving person around, sorry, and i just couldn't bring myself to put in any effort to dance to mambo. i guess there are merits to mambo, unfortunately it's not my type.

repeated efforts to sneak into phuture were unsuccessful, although we did finally spend 2 minutes in phuture after the bouncers decided to slack off near closing time. oh well.

most of the time was spent sitting along the river, staring into space, wondering about love and relationships. tears, anger, pain, hugs, comfort and trust. though it wasn't the best night out, though it was far from our high expectations of our RWWM, i guess there was something gained out of it still. after all, the company was great :D

after our rescue mission at the river, we headed down to ang mo kio gardens 24 hours macdonalds! for breakfast at 5am. our heads were imploding and our bodies not responding. we had to literally drag our sorry asses back to dory's place to sleep. haha.

and guess what! i didn't sleep. by the time the washing up and peripheral things were done, it was 6am. and i was setting off for school for today's anat review at 7am. help. i couldn't sleep! though charis the curled up prawn had her half hour fill of dreamland. hahaha. the drive to school was thumping with hip hop music and bad karaoke to keep ourselves awake. keeping the eyelids up during prof raj's session took herculean effort. but i'm proud to say that i kept myself awake throughout the 3 hour session. prof raj was so nice to postpone the review of the pelvis cos he knew that we were so restless already. YAY.

today was the first time i wore my specs to school. that seemed to have attracted some attention. probably it was because i was totally bare-faced, unglam and had super bad eyebags and eye rings. i must have owned beatrice's eyebags today. hahaha.

ALRIGHT. though i've already taken a 6 hour nap in the afternoon, i still feel unbelievably lethargic. it's time to conk off onto my comfy bed again. hehe bye!

i dont see what anyone can see, in anyone else but you.

2008-02-26T22:18:00.002+08:00

today has been a good day. prof raj's anat review, mugging and chatting with mayanne, long-overdue meet up with flora tracy and tung, and my surprise juno soundtrack :)

then i saw this picture from postsecret.

it'll break my heart.

music therapy at the oscars

2008-02-25T13:40:00.004+08:00

i just finished watching 2 hours worth of the oscars on channel 5. jon mclaughlin performed so close! it was fantastic. he sounded great live, with the ballroom dancers circling around him and the orchestra behind him. and he's rather cute. swoons. hahaha.

juno won best original screenplay! i'm not very surprised about that. hehehe after all, the script is just awesome.

oh yes, the best original song went to falling slowly, a song from the soundtrack of once. it is another emo song which is very very good :) oh so close was also nominated for best original song! hurhurhur. oscars music always conveys a sense of grandeur, i love it.

alright i'm just very excited after watching the oscars, so i had to blog about it. now i will resume spots revision. to end off my random entry with a random laugh that i've come to love - HIAK HIAK HIAK :D

leader of tomorrow.

2008-02-24T00:59:00.003+08:00

because i'm a huge procrastinator, hence the title. i should be studying now, but i end up watching 3/4 of step up 2 the streets online and redo-ing my blogskin. this new skin is so lovey-dovey and sweet, rather unlike me. hahaha yes now you can snigger out loud. well there is another side of me, you know :)

friday secret tryst went very well, only thing is that i can't elaborate too much about it as it is a SECRET TRYST. hahaha don't worry folks, it's nothing very erotic. just some gelare dinner and some lutu involved. haha.

date with the boyfriend went very well today too :D outback breakfast+lunch+dinner and slacking at the esplanade. true comfort company. i seem to be always using the same descriptions for our dates. hahaha perhaps we have the same kind of dates or my vocab is just unsatisfactory. or maybe i'll just like for some things to be unrevealed outside of our world. hurhur. OKAY too lovey-dovey now. on to other news.

i dont have other news. hahaha how boring. oh! singapore won the bid to host the youth olympics! how odd. hehehe but still, it'll be cool. i want to go to australia! ruzanna's photos and entries about her aussie experience is making me rather envious. may june july summer break, please come soon.

OH YES how could i forget friday's discoveries. it still continues to surprise me as i discover yet another jerk in my social circle. even after being warned by a fellow friend. in the past, in adolescence and childhood, it used to be liking and trusting all your friends, until proven that you should do otherwise. now, on the fringe of adulthood, it has become treating everyone with apprehension until proven that person can probably be trusted. a person you know today is your acquaintance, not your friend. so unlike the past when as long as you wave and say hello to someone, it's your friend. sigh, look how things change.

filing, printing, highlighting, reading. there's so much more to do. i shall await my next exciting escapade come wednesday :D

divine retribution hurhur

2008-02-21T18:18:00.003+08:00

i love andre jordan's doodles. hahaha they're depressingly funny. just like medicine's depressingly exciting. hahaha. check out his doodles at a beautiful revolution.

i am actually sick of online shopping! -insert sharp inhale- maybe the world is ending. or maybe i'm sick of the same few designs by all the sites over and over again with tiny sizes which i cant fit into and paying exorbitant prices for poor quality pieces which everyone has -insert large exhale-. hahaha.

i've been tagged again. well well. since i'm in a happy mood today (read: no school), i shall do this :)

Tagged by: Charlene the queen of marshmallow land

The rules are easy, just post 10 things that recently made you happy! Then tag 7 people and force them to post this memo on their LJs. Because it is good.
Everyone needs a little happiness once in a while.

so, i'm happy about:

1) my shopping spree with the mother at junction 8 today which was supposed to be just lunch at cafe cartel. it translated into 1 blouse, 1 pair of shoes, shih lin xxl chicken, mango + pomelo pudding, LOTS of stationery and lots of time wasted. BUT BUT. i had fun :)

2) watching juno on tuesday with the goldfish. we sure are cute for two ugly people. hello big-puffy-version of junebug. PEAACOCKKK.

3) SECRET FRIDAY TRYST with huilin coming up tomorrow.

4) RECESS WEEK WED MADNESS + MIDNIGHT AIRPORT ESCAPADE. it's not that secret after all, HIAKHIAKHIAK. approval from higher authorities has come as a pleasant surprise.

5) recess week is coming and i am finally going to have time to mug more than just daily stuff. CA2 AND PROS, HERE I COME.

6) that i have fantastic comfort company i can always count on to not only make me smile, but also to dissolve me into hysterical fits of laughter.

7) saturday date with the boyfriend!

8) watching hairspray last night at 12mn. it sure cheered me up, though it cost me my morning swim and histo session today.

9) did i mention that i don't have school today? hehehe.

10) that i know i've grown as a person, into a person i know i really am - strong, curt, anal-perfectionist, antisocial, upfront, fat, weird, escapist, etc and i'm not ashamed of it all. better yet, there are people who love me this way :)

i'm not going to tag anyone for this. such goodwill. hehehe. time to do some pre-lab studying! bye!

this feeling is wrong.

2008-02-20T19:53:00.013+08:00

so close by jon mcloughlin is officially my current favourite song :) just the right amount of emo, hope and love in its lyrics and melody. i think melancholy is the word. and i like melancholy. hehehe. being melancholic doesn't equate depression.

just as being antisocial does not equate no friends. not like some thundering flick-worthy giants. right, charis? hahaha.

i watched juno yesterday with charis at vivo! it felt like a mid-morning escapade (okay it was) after 2 hours worth of lectures. so we trooped off at 1030am to an empty vivocity and did some extensive window shopping along the dream avenue of river island, forever 21, pull&bear, topshop, warehouse, esprit, fox, zara and mango. however we did not finish the everything as our antrums were screaming for sustenance. hehe off we went to carl's jr. portobello mushroom burger combo, beef cheese fries + salsa (3 servings worth) totally overloaded our system. please check out the photos as evidence. hurhurhur. speeding back to school was filled with road rage! limegreen gold honda civic changing lane diagonally + weird lorries + slow drivers + 'i want to box slow-walking people on the back of their heads'. hahaha it was fun :D but it's welcome back to the real world, baby.

the movie was great. my 7 bucks well spent. i dont know how to describe the merits of the movie, so i'm going to post up my favourite parts of the movie's script to prove my point. hurhur.

SPLOOGE! We see ultrasound goo being squirted onto Juno’s exposed pregnant belly. An ULTRASOUND TECHNICIAN is using a Doppler device to view the contents of her burgeoning bump.

Bren and Leah ooh and ahh at the resulting image. The tech takes measurements and types them into her database.

ULTRASOUND TECH: That’s the feet...
ALL THREE: Oooh...
ULTRASOUND TECH: And there’s a hand...

The monitor reveals the baby’s head.

ALL THREE: (various)Check that out... No way...
BREN(dreamily): Would you look at that?
LEAH: Check out Baby Big-Head. That kid is scary!
JUNO: Hey, I’m a sacred vessel. All you’ve got in your belly is Taco Bell!
LEAH: Touche.
JUNO: (gazing at the monitor) It is really weird looking. It’s like it’s not even real. I can’t believe there are saps who actually cry at these things.

Juno and Leah look at BREN, who is dabbing her eyes discreetly.

BREN: What? I’m not made of stone.
ULTRASOUND TECH: Well, there we have it. Would you like to know the sex?
LEAH: Aw, please Junebug?
JUNO: No way. No, I definitely don’t want to know.
ULTRASOUND TECH: Planning to be surprised when you deliver?
JUNO: I want Mark and Vanessa to be surprised, and if I know, I won’t be able to keep myself from telling them and ruining the whole thing.
ULTRASOUND TECH: (condescending) Are Mark and Vanessa your friends at school?
JUNO: No, they’re the people who are adopting the baby.
ULTRASOUND TECH: Oh. Well, thank goodness for that.
BREN: Wait, what’s that supposed to mean?
ULTRASOUND TECH: I just see a lot of teenage mothers come through here. It’s obviously a poisonous environment for a baby to be raised in.

Juno, Leah and Bren become immediately defensive.

JUNO: How do you know I’m so poisonous? Like, what if the adoptive parents turn out to be evil molesters?
LEAH: Or stage parents!
BREN: They could be utterly negligent. Maybe they’ll do a far shittier job of raising a kid than my dumbass stepdaughter ever would. Have you considered that?
ULTRASOUND TECH: No...I guess not.
BREN: What is your job title, exactly?
ULTRASOUND TECH: Excuse me?
BREN: I said, what-is-your-job-title, Missy?
ULTRASOUND TECH: I’m an ultrasound technician, ma’am.
BREN: Well I’m a nail technician, and I think we both ought to stick to what we know.
ULTRASOUND TECH: What are you talking about?
BREN: You think you’re special because you get to play Picture Pages up there?

Bren gestures to the ULTRASOUND MONITOR.

BREN: My five year-old daughter could do that, and let me tell you, she is not the brightest bulb in the tanning bed. So why don’t you go back to night school in Manteno and learn a real trade!

The ULTRASOUND TECH exits in a huff.

JUNO: Bren, you’re a dick! I love it.

hahaha hold on. there's more.

JUNO: Ow, ow, fcukity-ow! Bren, when do I get that spinal tap thing?
BREN: It's called a spinal block. And you can't have it yet, honey. The doctor said you're not dilated enough.
JUNO: You mean I have to wait for it to get worse? Why can't they just give it to me now?
BREN: Well, honey, doctors are sadists who like to play God and watch lesser people scream... [Juno lets out painful scream, Brenda checks her watch]
BREN: Shit.
BREN: [to doctor] Hey, can we get my kid the damn spinal tap already?

hehe isn't it great? well well on to other issues. after rushing back to school, we trooped off for our clinicals at nuh. this time, we actually did something useful! surprise, surprise. haha. anyway our tutor brought us along for his rounds. so 15 or so of us we herding along the wards while he spoke to the patients, examined them, and explained the cases to us. some of them were really depressing. wait, actually all of them were depressing. it was just a matter of who was more depressing.

the elderly man lying in the icu suffering from pulmonary edema, heart failure, kidney failure, diabetes, and uncontrollable gastric bleeding? or the 35-year-old man still blissfully ignorant about his gastric cancer which has a prognosis of only 6 months more to live, seen laughing with his fiancee who he's supposed to wed next month? doesn't it seem like the 80-year-old man with a 'simple' esophageal cancer which can take radio and chemotherapy is less depressing all of a sudden?

once again we're thrown into a situation where we can do nothing to stop the damage. helplessness, what a toxic feeling. it's just like the character in jodi picoult's book, nineteen minutes. he was a policeman cos he wanted to save the world from evil, but every time he arrived at the crime scene, he knew he couldn't do anything to make it better. he was already too late. isn't it the same for us doctors? most of the time when our patients finally come to us, the damage has already been done, or at least partially done. perhaps i'm the only one who hasn't realised that, like most things, medicine is a double-edged sword in many ways.

anyway. there's no school tomorrow! but i think i'll make full use of my season parking and do some laps at the pool, followed by some work at the anat museum. i think i'm feeling too relaxed about school work for my own good. help. hahaha.

it'll all work out, it's just a matter of time.

RECESS WEEK WEDNESDAY MADNESS + MIDNIGHT AIRPORT ESCAPADE HAS BEEN APPROVED BY HIGHER AUTHORITIES! am very pleased with that :)

i still love my favourite song.

feeling weekendy!

2008-02-17T13:13:00.005+08:00

i have other things on my agenda for today's post, but i checked my tagboard to find this thing in my 'in' tray. hahahaha. and since i haven't participated in any online 'quizzes' or passed on any chain letters for the past, let's see, 3 years, i've decided to do my part in the contributing irritation among my peers. hehehe.

Tagged by: diana - UGH whywhywhy. i've been nice to you.

Game rules：
A． People who have been tagged must write their answers on their blogs and replace any question they dislike with a new question formulated by themselves. Tag 8 people. Those who are tagged cannot refuse if not they will not be blessed.
B． These 8 people must state who they were tagged by. You cannot tag the person who tagged you. Continue this game by sending this to 8 other people. People who are tagged will be blessed and their wishes will come true in the future.

1.If your lover betrayed you, what will your reaction be?
well well. first reaction: KILL KILL KILL. then it'll be disappointment, in myself for not seeing it coming. then acceptance of the fact and breaking off with the stupid fella, of course.

2.How do you know if someone likes you?
someone who doesn't mind and yet enjoys my weird and hysterical tendencies, high/emo mood swings and curt+upfront+uber-straightforward style... evidently likes me :D

3.What will your dream wedding be like?
simple, comfortable, cosy and filled with flowers.

4.Are you confused as to what lies ahead of you?
no, not confused. it's more like part-dread and part-anticipation.

5.What's your ideal lover like?
someone who :

has the right priorities, at the right time (and that doesn't mean that i have to be right at the top all the time).
accepts me fully for the way i am (not are, hahaha.).
makes me happy effortlessly.

hahaha that's why there's no ideal lover.

6.Which is more blessed, loving someone or being loved by someone else?
WHY CAN'T I CHOOSE BOTH! hmm actually i think being able to love someone wholeheartedly and unconditionally is the most blessed of all since it takes a lot of one to subject oneself to such vulnerability, such courage. but i don't think that's something i'm capable of doing without some reciprocation.

7.If the person you like does not accept you, would you continue to wait for them to change their feelings?
no. it's a waste of time and emotions. i dont think we should harbour endlessly after something that isn't meant for us.

8.If the person you secretly like is already attached, what would you do?
suppress the thought since it's probably some fleeting attraction. after all, i'm attached too. hahaha.

9.Is there anything that has made you unhappy recently?
yes. being unable to do more to help people in need, and yet when i see people asking for my help on the streets, i turn a blind eye. basically, i make myself unhappy sometimes.

10.What do you want most in life?
it's a tie between happiness and freedom. what comes first? it's a chicken-and-egg situation.

11.Is being tagged fun?
not really, i dont want to have a price tag on me. hahaha okay that was rather lame.

12.If you find out that your best friend is going out with your boyfriend/girlfriend, how would you react?
KILL KILL KILL. hahaha of course, did you think i'll give them my blessings?!

13.Who is currently the most important person to you?
my grandmum.

14.What kind of person do you think I am?
i suppose 'i' in this question refers to diana. haha i don't really know you very well, but i can tell that you're very smart, mature and rooted :)

15.What is the most unforgettable thing/event in your life?
finding out that i am able to do what i've always wanted to do, ie. getting into medicine.

16.If the person you secretly like cannot recognise you, what would you do/how would you react?
smack him on the head and knock that part of his memory back into activity. hahaha but i don't like anyone secretly! (haha this is to reassure the boyfriend).

17.Would you give your all in a relationship?
yes.

18.If you fall in love with two persons simultaneously, who would you pick?
i don't think that's quite possible. first thing to do is to truly acknowledge which is the one you're in love with and which is the one you're infatuated with. after that, the answer should be clear.

19.What type of friends do you like?
nice ones, hurhurhur.

20.If you played a prank on someone, and he/she fell for the trick, what would you do?
-insert evil laughter-

HEHEHE. i shall tag...

huilin
dory
charis
ruzanna
charlene
sihui
tracy
jiayan

such lucky people eh? hehehehe.

on to other news.

Coming soon - BMW 1 Series Coupe
Samuel Ee
The Business Times

FINALLY, BMW's brilliant 1 Series is expected to arrive in Singapore soon - some time in the middle of the year. The smallest BMW available was launched in 2004 as a hatchback and has been available here as a parallel import. But now the range has widened to include a coupe and a convertible, BMW Asia has decided to officially import it.

It is understood that all three variants will be offered by dealer Performance Motors. Hints that the 1 Series was likely to debut here were dropped by BMW senior vice-president for central marketing and brand management Torsten Muller-Otvos when he visited Singapore in September. The 1 Series Coupe is said to be especially desirable because of the way it looks and handles. But if that's not enough, there will also be a souped up variant.

YAY YAY YAY! bmw 1 series coupe is COMING to singapore :)

hip hop nite organised by nus dance blast! on friday was superb. although we got free tickets, i must say that it was really worth watching. beatrice, joy and i were totally going high over the hip hop madness through the night. from bobbing our heads and waving to rap, and going crazy over our newfound hip hop moves, to cheering for the contestants. UBER FUN. hahaha the concert was actually a hip hop competition a la wade robson project, only conducted in groups of twos instead of individually. the eventual winners were well-deserving of the $1200 prize, though there were some upsets when it came to the semi-final round. all in all, it was time well spent :) it really did make me want to take up hip hop again right then. hahaha. okay i shall suppress that desire till may.

comfort company at thomson plaza was GOOD. i do like your passport photo -clutches it tightly- very much. hahaha.

oh yes i tried shokudo the japanese food bazaar at raffles city last night with the family. it's like marche/vil'age, only that it's jap style. with omu rice, waraku-style pasta, paper-thin pizzas, azabu sabo-style desserts, omelettes, ROSTI, soups, jap-style burgers and the usual suspects (tonkatsu, sashimi, sushi and teppanyaki). the food wasn't all that fantastic, but the experience was a novel one. go try it! i still love marche most. hehehe.

what a long entry. juno with the goldfish tomorrow! yay :)

you're my valentine still :)

2008-02-14T23:47:00.004+08:00

v day has been good :)

CONVERGE BABY

2008-02-13T20:28:00.003+08:00

that picture up there totally sums up today's anatomy tutorial with prof raj. my attention span is all of 1 hour. and i can't seem to answer prof raj's questions for me - insert stunned, blank expression - but i can answer his questions posted to other people! HELP. what's up with me and my spacing out tendencies. i seem to be able to stone and shut myself out of my surroundings more and more these days. perhaps my central nervous system is shutting down. LOOOOK. i'm beginning to be like everyone else, inserting random medical terms into my blog entries. i haven't decided whether this is a good thing. for myself, and the people around me.

valentine's day tomorrow baby! yippeee. yes it is commercialized, yes it's hopelessly expensive, yes it is meaningless if you only celebrate your relationship on some february 14th. to me, it's just another excuse to hang out my one and only super comfort company! hurhurhur. hence itinery for tomorrow equals hanging out at home (maybe with a good movie?) + macs delivery. uber nuar activity. i love it. it ties in with my stoning and spacing out tendencies. HEHE.

my friends say, other than having the strange tendency to space out, i also have the ability to get high at random times. and also laugh hysterically at random times. well, well. what an impression i leave on the poor people around me. - insert evil laughter -

okay time to do some work to deem this weekday night not entirely wasted. byebye! happy valentine's day :)

wild discoveries

2008-02-06T15:46:00.000+08:00

hello hello hello :D

it's chinese new year eve! i've been quite busy over the weekend till today, and now it's time to update with all the photos taken. hurhurhur.

saturday morning and afternoon was spent at the neighbourhood health screening at taman jurong blk 117. basically we were split up into groups of 5, with a mix of nursing students, junior medical students and senior medical students. each group was assigned 1 level, and so we went from door to door screening the residents there. we performed blood pressure checks, blood glucose checks as well as the measurement of height and weight. of course, we took their medical history as well. for patients who failed any of the checks or had any suspicious symptoms were advised to visit the doctors at the nearby multi purpose hall for a free consultation.

it was a day of discovery. while i did not take anyone's medical history (it was left to the m2 and m4 students), it was clear that my language skills (especially chinese and malay) were far from fluent. hehehe evidently i needed to practise more - my malay lessons shall not go to waste!

anyway the patients at taman jurong are all generally not-so-well-off, so their flats are all rented. most of the elderly patients there also didn't have enough money to buy medicine or seek medical advice.

there was an elderly man who had a blood glucose of 11.2 (normal should be <7.8), high blood pressure, wasted temporalis and thenar muscles, a weight of 36kg and height of 161cm. the m4 student told us after leaving that sweet man's house that there was a high probability that the man had cancer.

there was another elderly man who did not have enough money to buy medicine to cure his cervical spondylosis (an abnormality in his spine where there is compression on his nerves). the disease had caused numbness in his fingers and hence he couldn't go to work to earn money to pay for his medication.

yet another woman we saw was divorced, with 2 young children, faced a lot of stress to get things going, had a blood glucose of 9.4. the m2 who took her history actually could smell the acetone in her breath, indicating that there is a high probability that she had uncontrolled diabetes mellitus. even after advising her to visit the doctors downstairs, she insisted on not consulting as she did not want to find out whether she had a disease. she did not want to add to her problems or spend more money on medication.

what can we do, to see and be in the midst of such situations? it's horribly sad to know that i can't do anything, that my job scope stops at taking his blood pressure and referring them to the doctors downstairs. what can i do to help when their most immediate problem to us is their suspected diabetes or hypertension, but yet to them, it's almost to the least of their concern. they still have today, tomorrow, and next week to worry about. how are they going to live, what are they going to eat? so what is a disease to them, especially when they can't feel it?

while it was a fantastic eye-opening experience, it was very depressing at the same time. i wish i can do more.

later on in the evening, i went for dory and victor's farewell party at their house. that lifted my spirits somewhat. i'll let the pictures do the talking.

look at the spread my potential-taitai friend prepared! focus on the chocolate fondue babies. hahaha it was so sinful! only if it was dark chocolate - swoons. anyway she prepared pasta, thai fried rice, crabstick biscuits, coconut strawberry pastries, oreo cheesecake, salad and dessert! food was GREAT. hehehe.

backyard photos, with dory huilin, and charis!

well well, who says med sch students are all serious and atas? charis, my mad med sch friend totally disproves that stereotype. okay, me too.

LOOK AT THOSE TWO. my pretty hair!

sigh mad friends who love my hair... NOT. check out my helpless expression. hahaha. totally unglam baby.

my favourite fantastic looking polaroids :)

saturday's exciting party aside, let's move on to this week. i've started on reviewing histo slides! yippee i'm finally making a substantial start on revision for my spots exam. hehehe.

yesterday a group of us went to kwong wai shiu hospital for a chinese new year performance for the elderly there. there was a chinese orchestra and wushu performance. i didn't do much except to bob along to the chinese new year songs, give out mandarin oranges to the elderly and wheel them back to their wards at the end. unfortunately i dont think we made much of an impact on the elderly except for the free food and oranges. there wasn't much time for interaction with the elderly, and they seemed rather confused by our presence most of the time. perhaps i can only take consolation in the fact that we did our part to try, made a few new friends and had some good fun :)

oh yes i was observing this old couple at the hospital yesterday. the man was wheelchair-bound and dressed in hospital attire, indicating that he was a patient at kws. the old lady looked healthy and was dressed in outside clothes, probably indicating that she was only visiting. from what i saw, there was a high chance that she came to visit everyday, to feed him his meals and keep him company. while it wasn't very obvious, i could see the love in her eyes as she cleaned his mouth and fed him pau. and i could see the gratitude in his eyes as he reassured her that the food was enough for him to eat. how sweet. if only all couples grew old together this way.

i shall wait for han yang to upload the pictures! hehehe.

chinese new year eve! how exciting. i shall aim to do some work and revision during this 4 days. *crosses fingers* hahaha i'm watching some stephen chow movie later on. i must take a nap now, or else i can't last through tonight. hahaha i'm such a cheater.

happy chinese new year folks! :D

love and loss

2008-01-31T20:11:00.000+08:00

i've gotten the pictures for saturday's birthday celebration for lihong! it's our 4th year running celebrating our birthdays. i'm really proud of the fact that we're still keeping in contact regularly throughout the year, and our friendship hasn't changed ever since the 4m days :) anyway this time, we met up in serangoon and walked REALLY FAR to buy ze cha take out to eat at becky's house. it was fantastic. we played pictionary after dinner. hahaha it was hilarious. oh yes and we overturned becky's room and found her architecture portfolio. her drawings were really amazing - all the floor plans and models! it really made the rest of us feel rather inferior and useless. hehehe and so lihong and i decided to console ourselves that we can't draw, can't write, can't sell - that's why we'll eventually thrive in the healthcare line. hahaha RIGHT. okay pictures!

taking pictures at the void deck while waiting for our ze cha to be cooked! hahaha.

the ze cha dishes! black pepper beef, thai style fried chicken, cereal prawns, kailan, sambal kangkong, you tiao, teppan tofu and sweet and sour fish! uber yummy :)

my favourite picture in front of the tv, plonked out in becky's comfy sofa.

love and loss. there are times like these where i hear emo songs, coupled with the things i hear and eventually worry about. when will it be my turn? to fear, to grief, to due with the irreplaceable loss of a loved one? i know it's bound to happen, sooner or later. i know i will have to face it, deal with the emotions, and get over it. but i also know that part of you will always remain empty. a space that no one else can fill or cover. once someone is gone, there's no going back. no second chances to say what you've always wanted to say or do. the memory just stops there.

today, i was driving home on farrer road. an ambulance was screaming its way down in the opposite direction. nothing surprising, i know. ambulances speed around everyday that everyone becomes desensitized from its siren. somehow, today, it struck me that in that ambulance, it was someone waiting to be saved. to be helped. to be plucked from his predicament. by us.

it's not something phenomenal that i discovered. it just struck me that life is such a vulnerable thing, something that can be lost in a split second. it's not just the loss of the patient himself. it's also the loss felt by the patient's family and friends. just imagine, your responsibility as a doctor. theoretically, of course, we only have to treat the patient and leave it at that. but in reality, it isn't. an illness, an injury, an accident. it affects the patient and the people around him. you save the patient, you save his family too. the patient dies, and part of each of his loved ones dies with him.

of course, it isn't something we can control entirely. we can only do our best. i will, trust me that i will.

people say that doctors will eventually be used to death being part of their job. true, true. but no one actually gets used to death. no one gets desensitized. i think they have to force themselves to block it out. until they see the illness, and not the human that has slipped away. perhaps this is why, being a doctor can be so painful. for a large majority of our day, we have to compartmentalize our emotions. bring it out appropriately to understand a patient's plight. block it off when you see a crying, suffering, terminal patient. where is that fine line?

supermen, and superwomen, we must become. to know how to do the right thing at the right time, all the time.

i'm not complaining about making medicine my choice. i know this is what i want to do. i know it's going to be hard. i know, i know. like i said, there are times like this when i need to be emo. to remind myself that there's a bigger picture than studying like a crazy fool in the library till 10pm. to prevent myself from becoming disillusioned, to prevent myself from thinking about the bad stuff in med school, and focus on what i'm here for.

a superwoman, i must become, quickly. superwomen, though, are not exempt from love and loss. superwomen, are still human.

virgin gym experience

2008-01-29T19:50:00.000+08:00

i visited the nus gym today.

okay now i'm bracing for the gasps of shock and bouts of laughter. yes yes i did drag my sorry ass off the seat and got myself on the treadmill (the only surviving one in the gym, mind you), and even lifted some weights! how about some applause! hence it is an absolute need to blog about my virgin nus gym experience.

i did make my way down to the src with some apprehension, after hearing what glori and joy said about the nus gym. smelly. full of intimidating hunky guys. only 2 ruddy treadmills. not enough air con. the guys stare. HAHAHA but yes, i survived.

and you know what? they were right. it was a strange odour - sweat, i suppose. but i should count myself lucky cos i went during lunch time. i wouldn't want to imagine the stench if i were to step in during the peak hours. and it is full of intimidating weight-lifting guys who sit on the machines like it's their thrones. it is rather weird, as there were only 2 girls in the entire gym. did i mention there were 2 pathetic treadmills?! scratch that, there was only 1 working treadmill. plus the guys stare. the guys on their thrones stare at the girls attempting the weight machines, and the free-weight lifters stare unblinkingly into their reflections, checking out their muscles i suppose. it is rather disturbing. hurhurhur.

butbutbut. i did manage to run on the treadmill, and attempt several weights machines. WOOTS. quite a lot of my muscles are rather underdeveloped, i must say. hahaha what an understatement. my biceps are non-existent! sigh.

now, now. i think i'll just stick to swimming on most days rather than gymming. less intimidating, and no sweat! literally. hehehe. people can't really see your face when they're swimming. hmm but they can see your ass quite clearly... hahaha. i must also mention that i detest idiots who refuse to shift slightly to the side even when they see you swimming straight for them, heading for a collision. THEIR GRANDFATHER'S LANE AR?! this happens multiple times, mind you. hmphs.

alright i think that's quite enough for my angsty exercise filled post. i must say this is rather out of character. i usually blog about food - unhealthy food. hahaha.

ALRIGHT ALRIGHT. bye.

so close and yet so far

2008-01-26T23:53:00.000+08:00

yesterday was great. dinner with the s12 gang - roy, ruz, xuanyi and sihui, for ruzanna's farewell. we had so much fun reminiscing about jc life during dinner at nydc. it'll be so sad, after ruz flies off. with both ruz and helena gone, we'll nv have the same kinds of disgusting retarded conversations anymore. haha. i've come to realise that this group of crazies have tided me through 2 years of jc, although i didn't think much of the time we spent together in the past. yet another case of only realising good times after losing them. maybe i'll come to realise that i love people in med school too. maybe, maybe.

and this afternoon was spent in comfort, nuaring around with my best friend, my dearest :)

these days, i'm in love with emo songs like jay chou's bu gong ying de yue ding, and jon mclaughlin's so close. haha i've happily pirated the 2nd song from zhouhao. look at the lyrics. so close, and yet so far. LOVE EMO SONGS. they're on repeat on my itunes right now. hahaha.

You’re in my arms
And all the world is calm
The music playing on for only two
So close together
And when I’m with you
So close to feeling alive

A life goes by
Romantic dreams will stop
So I bid mine goodbye and never knew
So close was waiting, waiting here with you
And now forever I know
All that I wanted to hold you
So close

So close to reaching that famous happy end
Almost believing this was not pretend
And now you’re beside me and look how far we’ve come
So far we are so close

How could I face the faceless days
If I should lose you now?
We’re so close
To reaching that famous happy end
And almost believing this was not pretend
Let’s go on dreaming for we know we are
So close
So close
And still so far

freedom, not happiness

2008-01-23T23:27:00.000+08:00

happiness = reality / expectations

this is from nineteen minutes, my latest jodi picoult book. it's a quantification of happiness, meaning that happiness is the quotient of reality over expectations. so the lesser your expectations, the greater your happiness, when reality stays the same. there is no other way, since reality cannot be changed to make it better and increase your happiness quotient. so true, so true. the higher your expectations are, the less happiness you feel.

but what if your expectations are already rock bottom, but you don't feel any happier? i guess that can only mean that in reality, things are worse than you imagined.

on another note, i really hope that i'm not sinking to your level. the level that i've been telling myself not to succumb to, no matter how bad things are. i don't want to be like you, someone not worth respecting.

it's the midweek drone, with all my readings piling up. i've broken my quota for fast food, and i haven't exercised at all this week! plus things haven't been looking up on certain fronts. things that i may choose to disregard and let things fall apart. perhaps, perhaps.

well, well. i shall now psych myself up with things to look forward too. since it is midweek today, it means that it's end-week tomorrow! and i shall embark on my first gymming adventure tomorrow at the school gym. friday is coming - ruzanna's farewell at nydc. and saturday too - comfort company + lihong's birthday celebration! yippee. oh yes, and i signed up for a scrapbooking course with tracy! how exciting. hurhurhur. alright i think i've psyched up enough to last me through the rest of the night. hehe.

back to endocrine physio it is.

save it.

2008-01-21T01:11:00.000+08:00

i'm not going to elaborate to anyone about DD#1 from my previous post. i'm not going to explain, give examples, or argue about it. if you still respect me as a person, then don't ask.

i've got enough.

but here i am, still trying to save you and i from embarrassment.

dissatisfaction all around

2008-01-18T15:52:00.001+08:00

WARNING: LONG ENTRY AHEAD. PROCEED WITH DISCRETION.

this week has been an emo week. with school being rather slack, i've had a substantial amount of time to myself. and when i'm by myself, i tend to think a lot about a lot of things, maybe to the extent of overanalysing things sometimes. most of the time, i think about debatable decisions, which i shall elaborate on.

[DEBATABLE DECISION 1]

i know i'm not a fickle person. i make decisions quite cautiously, and once i make them, i don't go back on my word. however there's an area in my life where i can't seem to make up my mind on. as always, it involves people i care about.

in relationships - friendships, family, love, or even split-second moments with strangers, there always a give and take. there must always be trust. there must be understanding. there must be care. i know about that. but unfortunately, most of the time the balance between who gives and who takes is skewed. and there are many times where i feel made used of, because i don't receive as much as i give.

is it wrong to feel this way? to want to have the comfort of knowing that your help will be returned when you're in need some day? i know, that relationships, especially close ones are supposed to be unconditional. you're supposed to give without expecting a return. but isn't this unfair? isn't it normal to expect a little, when a little only means the basic courtesy? if this is really too much to expect, then i suppose i'm being unreasonable. BUT I KNOW I'M NOT BEING UNREASONABLE!

my mum always tells me that i'm so easy to bully. always taken advantage of, to do sai kang, to appear somewhere when i'm needed to all the time, to do things i know will not be repaid. she always tells me to grow up and look around me, the world isn't as perfect as i think it can be, and people aren't as kind-hearted, good-natured or logical as i assume them to be. time and again, she warns me about a certain friendship or a certain event that will not work out. as always, i laugh her cautions off and convince her otherwise. but time and again, i find that she's right, a few months or years down the road.

am i wrong? to try to think of the best of people? to help in time of need, no matter how minor it may be? is it foolish to believe that when people make use of me, what goes around comes around, so i shouldn't think too much of it? am i really taken advantage of?

perhaps it's time to draw the line, to demarcate where enough is enough. perhaps it's time to make decisions regarding relationships in the same way i do to the other aspects of my life.

so here it is, i've decided. i'm not anyone's puppet. i'm not going to live up to your expectations and let you fall short of my basic expectations and pretend that everything's okay. i'm nobody's doormat.

[DEBATABLE DECISION 2]

well since we're here, i'm going to justify my reasons for not going to europe during the three month break, once and for all. the following reasons are my personal opinion, and may differ drastically from your own. please proceed with a logical and objective mind.

firstly, i do agree with the general population that europe is beautiful, lovely, fascinating - a once in a lifetime experience. i would definitely love to visit europe and the us some day. it is also true that this 3 month break will be our last long break, since med school is such a demanding course. and rumour has it that house officers only get 7 days leave per year. and your honeymoon is non-existent. and it is also true that it'll be fun to go backpacking in a big group.

but well, it is RUDDY $5K! to be honest, i don't have that much to spare. think about what you can do with 5K. okay this brings us back to the argument that it's a once-in-a-lifetime experience, but please imagine what you can buy with 5k. let's see, i think i can survive for 1 year on 5K (minus the car, which means it includes my shopping sprees!).

and while it is easy for many people going to europe to conveniently get the money from their parents, i feel it's wrong. how is it right to take their hard earned money (a lot of it, by the way), and spend it all on your own enjoyment. 5k isn't going to allow anyone to do any souvenir shopping too, so how is it to anyone's benefit but your own? i will never be able to get past the guilt involved.

alternative? borrow the money from the parents and repay in future. it sounds good, only that i'm already heavily indebted. tuition fee loan, notebook loan, the car... i do want to earn some money in future, you know. i don't want my entire salary to be broken up into little pieces to be fed into credit repayments.

therefore the last alternative is to use your own money. WELL i don't have 5k, so that is out of the question. and i don't teach tuition, so i have no income. err, it doesn't quite make sense to spend so much when you can't even earn right? hehehe.

so hey, i may have a car, but that doesn't mean i have a lot of money to spare.

also, it's my personal preference to visit such beautiful places with people i really care about, ie my husband. i mean, what better way to build even more beautiful memories of your marriage with a visit to the most fascinating cities in the world together right?

yes yes. i think i've fully covered my case. if you're still reading this and getting rather annoyed, yes, i'm justifying it for my own sake to remind myself that it is wise to stay in sunny singapore during the 3 month break while my friends are enjoying themselves on the other side of the world. hahaha.

[MEMORABLE INCIDENT 1]

yesterday has been an interesting day. i met priscilla tan at the science library in the afternoon. she's changed so much! with her long hair and frilly skirts and all, but she still talks the same way. she's really amusing. anyway she had wanted to get into nus med, and there she was, telling me how lucky i was. she got into pharmacy instead, and really, it's a dog-eat-dog world over there. the competition there is really fierce, with all the pharmacy students fighting for honours. test marks of less than 80 is viewed as unsatisfactory! wow how does that sound familiar? hahaha.

and i've come to realise that med students are just being competitive for no reason! hahaha. i hear people say that med students are an exclusive close-knit bunch, always there to help and spur each other on. i really cannot vouch for the accuracy of that statement. there isn't any obvious competition among people, but i don't think anyone can confidently say that we're a close-knit bunch helping each other out whenever we can. this isn't good, of course. but it has a lot to do with how everyone here has been nurtured to be, always striving for perfection. it is true that actually, we don't have to fight or be secretive. we should help each other out! after all, like priscilla said, no matter how high the cohort average mark is, we just have to pass! how's that. hehe.

anyway pris left hurriedly after our short convo in front of the lift as she spied other pharmacy students visiting the library, and she wanted to spy on them to see if they were going up to mug. sigh, what a life.

[MEMORABLE INCIDENT 2]

my 2nd interesting event of yesterday was swimming at the nus pool! hahaha stupid edwin was such a perv about it at the canteen though, beating around the bush trying to ask me whether i was going to wear a bikini. and no no, he's not interested in seeing me in it, he's concerned for the retinas of those at the swimming pool if i wear one. serious scarring effect, apparently. such an idiot!

i realised after swimming my first lap that THE POOL IS DAMN LONG LAH. hahaha i was just used to swimming half that length at dory's club. hence embarrassing panting after each lap. hahaha i really need to work my stamina.

and i made a new friend! an exchange student from america studying engineering. and guess what, she's doing her pre-med years. so guess what we talked about. medicine! hahaha. but she was really friendly, telling me about why she wants to be a doctor, asking me for tips on getting into med sch (!), and her life in singapore so far. of course, i was quizzed interview questions, medical school life and singapore politics. hahaha i don't think she was thoroughly impressed with my answers or anything.

and HORROR HORROR. i spoke to her in a faux american accent. wait wait, before you judge me as a two-faced fake bitch, hear me out. i realised she couldn't quite understand the things i said when i spoke normally in my singaporean qiang! and that's without the singlish lah leh lors! okay so i had to muster my best american accent (i copied her while chatting with her), hahaha. yesyes so i realised that i shouldn't judge too quickly when i see some singaporean with a bad american accent while speaking to an ang moh. well unless it's an spg, or when he's talking to ruddy fellow singaporeans. hehe.

anyway that girl was really nice and so i gave her directions to lt29 for today's anatomy lecture. hahaha. yay good deed of the day! okay crazy.

[USUAL UPDATES]

yay yay it's friday! i'm going for sakae buffet later :) shall stuff myself silly since i did good this week, cycling and swimming. hehehe.

oh yes i watched 2 dvds this week while slacking away too. one last dance by patrick swayze and lisa niemi, and chocolat by johnny depp and juliette binoche. both are fantastic. one last dance makes me want to go back in time and pick up ballet as a kid, and chocolat, well, featured A LOT of chocolate. it made me really hungry. hahaha and both were poignant takes on life. lovely. i can lend you either if you ask :D

and currently my bedtime story book is my latest jodi picoult book - nineteen minutes. about school shootings a la columbine. very very good, she touches the heart like no author can. uber addictive, and highly recommended! much more gripping that guyton's renal physiology. sigh.

[OVERDUE PICTURES]

i just received the pictures of last year's world diabetes day event! hence i will be an exhibitionist and show y'all. if you're still reading, i applauding your patience, and err, slight insanity. hahaha.

look at the simple but nice logo for world diabetes day!

packing goodie bags in the morning

testing out the glucose kit on cheehoe and weichee before the event started

last minute BP check on myself. hahaha.

so the event started! the people there tended to have rather high BP. WHITE COAT HYPERTENSION MAN. oh but i was wearing black! hurhur BLACK COAT HYPERTENSION! alrights. that's enough, i know.

me poking someone's finger! thank goodness my calm face didn't give away my nervousness. haha i'm always paranoid about their fingers bleeding. hehehe.

that's us! there was a longg queue.

and that's gardenia bread man! wholemeal some more. hahaha. alright uber random.

i think that's enough for my longggggggggggggggggg entry. time to do my anatomy tutorial! have a great weekend folks :) evidently my mood has improved. hehe. bye!

madness in the city

2008-01-16T20:33:00.000+08:00

midweek madness in progress baby.

photo from saturday's class outing. it's such a chapalang background though, hehehe. we had such a hard time finding someone to take the photo for us, thank goodness for a nice looking couple who came to our rescue :)

tuesday was exercise at east coast with the og day! i felt as if i was playing truant, having such a fun sunny day cycling along the beach. we cycled all the way to bedok jetty and beyond, and back to the hawker centre for sugarcane and char kway teow. hehehe. i really applaud those who were on blades - blading from east coast macs to national sailing centre is no joke. but it's such a great workout! i must try it out some time - i heard it firms up the butt real well. haha.

the biker babes + yuxuan with our cutesy poses, hahaha.

the bladers with their hot bods - okay joy, don't get too happy. hahaha.

and our group shot at the makeshift volleyball net before glori and i left after lunch :)

and here i am, trying to figure out the pbl case, last minute. i have no idea what the ruddy problem is. okay honestly, i have an idea to it, but i'm just plain lazy lah. haiyo powerpoint slides and all... YAWNS. okay i must love pbl. it's supposed to be good. work hard, yesyes. swimming tomorrow! time for another tanning + work out session! yippee. i'm going to get rid of the ugly tummy, flabby arms and thunder thighs. firmer ass is the way to go too! hehe. alright bimbo moments say goodbye. BYE.

thanks for the weekend

2008-01-14T00:56:00.000+08:00

the weekend has been great :D

of course my weekend starts earlier than most people, on friday afternoon. met up with huilin and dorinda in town, did some serious damage control (thank god it worked), and got some free lunch in the process! yay. and i took a polaroid with them. hahaha i had to do some cropping to the picture or else it'll look seriously hideous with arm fats and all. hehe.

saturday afternoon was spent with my dear, walking around funan. haha yes dubious place for a date, but we eventually adjourned to city hall and the esplanade for an emo afternoon. and so we planted ourselves on a comfy sofa in the singapore arts cafe. hehe comfort company i love :)

later in the evening was the 05s12 outing at newyorknewyork. i discovered that the london fish and chips was actually nice! hahaha. 16 of us we squeezed into a tiny booth plus 3 extra tables. like roy said, we were extending into the main road of the restaurant. hehe it was fun catching up with jc friends. as usual, we had our after-dinner activity - dessert at cedele. ruz, roy and i shared a ruby strawberry cheesecake. oh man it was uber sinful. hahaha.

today was spent trying to erase the guilt i was feeling for not studying. hahaha and so i attempted to study. renal physio! oh, why is it so hard. nyeh. alright i must have some sleep now before another school week overwhelms me once again. hehe.

to all you asses who are finally going to start school tmr, stop whining! been there, done that. hahahaha.

obviously i need sleep. am bordering on hysteria. okay bye.

picture perfect

2008-01-08T19:35:00.000+08:00

it's the 2nd day of school and lethargy is starting to set in once again. yippeeeee. renal physio today can only be described in 1 word - torturous. hurhur okay i must love physio to do well in it. LOVES PHYSIO, HUGS GUYTON.

good news! i went to the gym yesterday! okay it was just half an hour, but it was substantial enough for an unfit person like me! hurhurhur. i shall keep it up and visit the track tmr! yay.

today i went to ps to collect my drowning phone at motorola, and met up with dory and charis. thai express lunch - ahhh. and charis had half priced gelare after that. heh i resisted the yummy ice cream on top of the crispy waffles for my healthy lifestyle! yay. okay that was before i realised dinner was chicken wings. and you know what! beatrice offered me 2 chocolate crunchies and a sultana cookie from marks and spencer. 40 calories per crunchie and 75 calories per cookie. that's just about what i burned off yesterday. haiyo. everyone's trying to usurp my efforts! haha okay i know. it's just me and my failure to resist temptation. ahhhh.

alrights more photos from the genting trip :D

this was taken at golden mile complex while waiting for the coach to arrive. we all woke up around 4.30am lah. haiyo look at the oily faces and sleepy postures.

camwhoring the moment we stepped into the coach. we conquered the first level of the coach.

7 hours of bus ride - flip the magazines. haha hanlong bought first, men's health and 8 days while i brought elle. which he pronounces as 'eel' instead of 'L'. haha and men's health is mostly a waste of paper. sigh.

crashing on the bed before deciding to drag our asses off to the arcade. man the room is tiny! hurhurhur.

medical students at the arcade - daytona, para para and ddr were the highlights. hahaha we were addicted to parapara lah! and i realise i just cannot play such hand-eye-leg coordination games. got beaten by hanlong and sean and almost everyone else. and who's the jc dancer here.... :(

ktv! with seafood horfun. they have k dinner there too! and it's for RM15 nett. super duper worth it. hahaha and everyone seems to be able to sing really well.

taking photos at the indoor roller coaster, which was such a cheap thrill. of course we were screaming at all the kiddy rides, ferris wheel included. haha.

my favourite photo of our rides. hahaha.

our pre-gokart experience involved putting on shower caps for hygiene purposes (helmet lah). dont we look like factory workers. the guys were trying desperately to look cool by making their caps in the shape of a beret.

we scream and camwhore in lifts too :)

once again, tired, oily and smelly on our trip home.

okay time to conquer renal physio! FOCUS man. hurhur the 1st mbbs timetable's out! ahhhh. have a great week ahead dears :D bye!

here it goes again

2008-01-06T19:48:00.001+08:00

school is starting tomorrow! oh no. i haven't read anything to do with medicine the past month. i hope i can understand what the lecturer says tomorrow. *crosses fingers*

anyway i'm back from the anat group genting trip! hurhur it was great. i certainly couldn't ask for a better trip, considering the fact that we barely knew each other. and we definitely grew closer within the 3 days we spent there. genting was uber cold and fogged up. ahh if only we could get that kind of weather here. we rode on countless theme park rides - the tachycardia-inducing space shot, multiple rollercoaster rides, go-kart, toboggan, bumper cars... hahaha we did such idiotic things there. and we pigged out regularly on fast food and kenny rogers. SIGH so much for healthy lifestyle. hahaha. and i realised that holidaying with a large group of guys can be quite different. playing, having fun and making your money's worth is top priority. as opposed to girls, who prefer to shop, have fun in comfort and make your money's worth at the same time. nights were spent playing munchkins (it took 3 hours to complete 1 round). and bus rides were filled with movies, food, ktv and camwhoring. hahaha. the peeps with the cams haven't uploaded the pictures, so i'll just show you what joseph has uploaded.

camwhoring once we reached genting. this was taken while waiting for weichee, our tour guide/organiser, to check into the hotel.

here's us being uber excited in front of our chapalang first world hotel. evidently we still had lots of energy. hahaha.

breakfast on the 2nd day at macs before entering the theme park. we look quite stoned cos we slept at 3am the night before.

checking our height at the entrance to the theme park. hurhur luckily no one brought their school of medicine jacket - uber paiseh. haha.

this is a picture of the guys taking the flying coaster in the evening. these guys are damn hard core lah. take rollercoasters like free.

our last day before checkout. we're all super duper tired already. cos we played munchkins through the night again and had supper at kfc, and the guys still took a walk around genting after that. hahaha.

our trip home on the coach. we occupied the entire 1st level of the bus. this is our last picture - still trying to be crazy though we were so stoned already. haha.

and yesterday i joined the og for ot2 at the ucc. hanyang was acting (he was just great :D). the show wasn't fantastic, but there were some good bits. like eunice and farah's singing, and cushing's uber cute portrayal of the typical socially-inept medical student. hurhur.

i've got to attend to a crisis now. plus i must mentally prepare myself for school! haha the usual kiasu in me going crazy. enjoy the last few hours of freedom! bye :D

new year new start

2008-01-01T18:06:00.000+08:00

happy new year to all :D

there's a lot i've learned last year about myself, human nature, and the world. i've learned that i'm emotionally stronger than i thought i am, despite the fact that i cry during sad scenes in movies and at depressing music lyrics. i've learned that people aren't usually what they seem, for better or for worse. i've learned that the world is a ruthless one, and each of us are mere pawns. i've learned that life, no matter how much suffering you've been through, or how much successes you've celebrated, is just a matter of perspective. in every aspect. in a sense that one man's meat, is another man's poison.

in 2008, i, as well as many of you, will approach the big 2-0. no more a teenager, but not yet a full-fledged adult. indeed, not a girl, not yet a woman. hurhurhur. this is the time in the drama of life where we have to come of age. it is expected of us - no more nonsense this time. choices, decisions, consequences. there's no room for mistakes. this is the future. no more u-turns, no more second chances, no matter how idealistic you want to be.

this new year, i've decided to set some new year resolutions. the cynic in me recognises the futility of most of my resolutions, but as my dad puts it, at least there's a drive towards improvement even if they fail to materialise. yes, i must improve.

1. i will strive to lead a healthier lifestyle, as mentioned in my previous post about the aspects of my life i ought to improve. that means, practising what i would be preaching in future as a doctor. better diet, exercise and no vices. after all, i have no wish of being seen by my patients at kfc, pigging out on the 3 piece chicken set + upsize + cheese fries. hahaha. need to lose weight too - i've grown a dress size due to uncontrolled binging during the exam and holiday period. but this new lifestyle shall be achieved in a medically-advisable manner. ie, no starving (read: dory), no one-meal-a-day (read: ian), no excessive working out (read: stanchart marathon). salsa lessons at jitterbugs, here i come. and only 1 fast food meal per week. i hope i can maintain this, haha.

2. better spending habits must be practised! which means only spending when necessary, and that means no browsing online shops excessively (more than once a week), and recording my daily expenditure. this is especially when i'm not earning my keep, haiyo.

3. better studying habits will be ensured this year. i guess i ought to be more serious about my work, and spend more time reading the textbooks and truly understanding the subject matter. i really must try to retain the important knowledge imparted to me now, to be applied in future. this means less laptop time, and prompt readings.

4. lastly, i'll try to read more, in terms of frequency, depth and breadth. at the brink of adulthood, i recognise that i still know little of anything. i seriously dont want to end up a philistine. plus, my language skills have been deteriorating. look, i can't string my sentences together coherently anymore. whatever subject verb agreement rules have been thrown out of my mind. plus there's still a whole list of fiction books i ought to read. okay, there's an even longer list of non-fiction ones i ought to read as well, but i do love fiction more. haha. like the alchemist, the inheritance of loss, more jodi picoult books, the kite runner, etc. i didn't make a single trip to the library this holidays, and i'm starting to regret it already. it's okay! hurhur i'll make up for it this year, especially during the summer break. while others are out there backpacking in europe or usa, i shall spend my time working and reading. heheheh. see i'm already looking forward to my next long break.

4 resolutions seem like a lot already. oh no. never mind, the white words in my head will prevail from now onwards. hehe :)

i'll be going off to genting tomorrow with the anat group, bright and early at 5.15am. it's a entirely new experience, going overseas with friends and all. hopefully our coach doesn't cartwheel down the mountain tomorrow, or else the headlines will read '8 MEDICAL STUDENTS DEAD IN GENTING BUS CRASH'. now, won't that will be 2008's tragedy of the year, after 2007's dragonboat incident. i realise i tend to be horribly paranoid a day before any of my overseas trips. haha that's cos i'm hoping for murphy's law to take effect. what i think will happen, wont! hurhurhur.

oh no i ought to start packing now! heheh. i'll be back on the 4th. till then, enjoy what's left of the holidays, people! :)

2007

2007-12-30T18:45:00.000+08:00

it's time to say goodbye, 2007. before i head out for new year celebrations tomorrow, i figured that i should come up with a round-up of the past year. to celebrate, to mourn, to reflect, and to improve. here is my list.

to celebrate
1. getting good a level results and acceptance into medical school
2. getting my driving licence at my 1st attempt and getting only 2 demerit points (NYEH NYEH)
3. successfully paying for all my driving lessons
4. my small little red car
5. getting employment for the entire 7-month break and receiving decent pay
6. getting decent results for the 1st CA in university
7. successfully maintaining good relationships with all my close friends, despite horrendously clashing schedules
8. having maintained good health and emotional well-being
9. getting my new brace-free smile
10. relatively stabilized love life

to mourn
1. ever increasing petrol prices
2. 7% GST
3. increased cab fares (35% extra charge during peak period?!)
4. mrs serene ng
5. jamie lynn spears, vanessa hudgens and the rest of the celebrity world setting great examples for the youth of today
6. closure of library@orchard
7. the existence of ivle, mednet and online feedback
8. the introduction of shiny luminous glittery gold/silver/neon tights and leggings

to reflect
1. my personal relationships - which are the ones worth keeping, which are the ones worth neglecting.
2. emotional growth
3. what kind of medical student and doctor i want to be

to improve
1. health and fitness (HAHA)
2. food intake
3. spending habits (online shopping should be banned)
4. emotional outbursts
5. anti-social behavior
6. less use of sarcasm
7. language use (cant string sentences together anymore, hence the need of typing lists)
8. general knowledge - reading the newspapers and caring more about the rest of the world

what a year it has been. goodbye, 2007.

yet another one

2007-12-28T01:52:00.000+08:00

have i mentioned that i'm loving my holidays now! hahahaha. i can't help having mixed feelings of dread and excitement. dread, cos school is starting soon. but excitement, cos it's yet another year to come! this year has been fantastic (my best year so far), though reflections about 2007 should be done in another entry. hurhur.

had lots of comfort company these days :D

sunday was very good - belated birthday celebrations for becky and meihong. i will let the pictures do the talking. hurhur.

dinner was at pizza hut! and so we ordered the yummy festive meals with the cheesy jingle joy pizza and the perennial favourite - hawaiian pizza. oh there's the unwanted ocean catch pizza too. haha. the above pictures show pre-food camwhoring. haha.

waihan loves me :)

we were REALLY bored and hungry. hence the shameless face-making.

pizza! uber uber bloating effect though it was delicious!

and i present our post-dinner activity - camwhoring from marina square to citylink to raffles city. with christmas decorations! amid the crowd of course. hahaha.

well actually we were walking aimlessly taking photos cos we were waiting for 10pm to come! haha because there's 50% discount for desserts at menotti! look at the sumptuous looking chocolatey things! hahaha menotti is situated next to the raffles city taxi stand, near the dbs atm i think. anyway xiying, yi zhen and i shared a soffiato, which is a chocolate brownie with hot fudge filling plus a scoop of chocolate chip ice cream. super sinful and super satisfying. mmmmmmmmmmmmmm.

random camwhoring at menotti, where our resident photographer, waihan, was trying to take a photo of us with herself in the picture by appearing in her mirror reflection. i dont know if i'm making sense. haha.

shameless camwhoring even on the way home, at the train station. look at the upper picture with the 4 of them trying their uber best to stay on the station benches. we should totally send that picture in to smrt and complain about the pathetic benches. no one's ass can stay on it for more than 5 seconds. haiyo.

this is my favourite picture of the lot! our pose in front of raffles city while shamelessly hanging outside menotti awaiting 10pm! haha. love the christmas tree :D

monday was christmas eve! i had dinner with the extended family at amara hotel. it was a christmas eve buffet at the element restaurant. OH MAN it was great. international cuisine with chocolate fondue and lots of christmasy desserts. my family totally pounced on the lobster, crayfish, soft shell crab, abalone, 5 treasure soup, seabass and turkey. multiple servings i tell you. hahaha. we didn't take any photos cos we were too busy pigging out. hurhurhur.

after dinner i met up with the boyfriend, flora and boyfriend, tung and boyfriend and tracy sans boyfriend. hahaha we went crazy at mind cafe prinsep street playing some jurassic park and mad game. haa our brainless games were so stimulating that we spilled calvin's hot mocha all over the table 15 minutes into our game. hahaha. and somehow i always kena those stupid stunts. like standing up and acting like your favourite animal. or walking backwards with a card on your head. rahhs. but it was very fun.

there wasn't a christmas countdown this year. but like someone says, it's stupid to have a countdown when you're not even a christian. it's true that christmas is too hyped up, but i still love the festive atmosphere! the food, the clothes, the company. and most especially crowded shopping centres and jammed up expressways. hahaha.

christmas day was spent shopping! and eating with my family. i shall not elaborate my pigging ways. hurhurhur.

thursday :) is a special day worth two years. dinner was at equinox! which is on the 70th floor of swissotel. OH MY GOODNESS this place is uber tantalising. the food is fantastic, the view is superb, the ambience is perfect, and the company is the best. hehe we took lots of pictures. okay this is a surprise coming from my cam-shy boyfriend. hahaha. anyway, the photos will do the talking, as usual.

look at the food! oh man it was fantastic. we ordered beef tenderloin rossini. look at the interesting arrangement of the food. that lil stump of meat there is the steak. unbelievably tender - delicious. there was also a soup - cuppuccino mushroom. it's cream of mushroom, basically. but it's so rich! ahhhhh. plus there was bread and mashed potatoes. and $10 fruit juice. haha but it was money well spent. the food was worth it.

the photo quality absolutely understates the beauty of the view from equinox. you get to see the entire singapore river, cbd, the singapore flyer, esplanade, fullerton, nicoll highway, the ships parked along the harbour and beyond! it's fantastic. almost 360 degree goodness. swoons.

our attempt of placing our heads together and including some of the great night view. hurhur failed in the latter part though. haha.

after dinner, we did a little exploration of the place and came across a wine cellar like place on our way to the restrooms. it was like a little passage from the restaurant to the toilets and a smoking lounge. 1 wall was lined with paintings and the other lined with bottles and bottles of liquor - XO, bacardi, and whatnot i couldn't recognise. nice.

the toilet! look! it's so nice. haha i'm running out of vocabulary (it's not very good to begin with, but still) to describe how much i like the place. okay taking photos of the toilet isn't very glamorous, but i couldn't resist. hahaha.

my favourite picture of us together. happy 2 years anniversary dear :) you're my shooting star.

our penguins! okay my favourite animal is the penguin. not because of happy feet (although i've been gifted a movie poster, haha). i've liked penguins ever since i took a trip to the philip island of melbourne where i watched the tiny penguins take their trip from fishing to their little caves. hahaha. the fat one behind is called penguin, and he's from philip island. the grey one with a scarf is called waddles, and he's from gift-a-name. the last one with a red messenger bag is called haha, and he's from mini toons. UBER CUTE, aren't they. hahaha.

i've been loving my holidays. hopefully you're enjoying yours too! i don't want them to end! ahhhhhhhhhhhh. alright i must sleep now. tomorrow i spend my morning, afternoon and night at the clinic. haiyos. sorry about the uber long entry. haha. goodnight, world.

bye!

1 series is da bomb

2007-12-18T21:12:00.001+08:00

evidently santa claus has given up his trusty reindeers (plus rudolph) for the new bmw 1 series! uber cute advertisement. heh ruddy performance motors just doesn't want to bring in the 1 series. whywhywhy. and the parallel companies only bring in the hatchback! look at the yummy coupe in the picture. *swoons*

christmas is coming! feeling really festive nowadays. hehe and comfort company always helps :D big smiles.

coming home to you

2007-12-17T22:52:00.000+08:00

i'm back from the glorious sawadee-kaa land of the thai. i think i'll spare everyone of my play-by-play rendition of my trip in bangkok and just give you lists. i love making lists. most people say perfectionists love lists. i guess it's true for me too, i love being in control and seeing everything in black and white.

1. thailand is a HOT place. very hot and dry and polluted. sure, there are occasional gusts of wind - but only to cloud your vision, water your eyes and sprinkle a nice coat of dust on you. hahaha. it also means sunglasses are a daily necessity. heh i did look glam for 4 days.

2. thai guys make singaporean guys look uber manly. period.

3. stuff in thailand are very very very affordable. clothes, shoes, accessories, food... they're all much cheaper than in singapore. most fashion are sold at wholesale prices too! but that doesn't guarantee the quality of these goods though. one dress i bought turned out to have asymmetrical sleeves. hahaha i shall start a new trend then.

4. it's imitation heaven in thailand. it's seen in every corner. fake louis vuitton, gucci, burberry, tod's, even crocs and birks are sold in shopping centres. and they really look authentic. PRO. hurhurhur.

5. cab drivers in thailand are such an opportunistic bunch! if you catch them in a traffic jam (trust me, it happens 24/7 in bangkok), they'll refuse to pick you up unless you allow them to take you to some jewelry factory which pays them commission! insisting on 'meter fares' is part and parcel of life. oh and dont get me started on the tuk tuk drivers. and you know what? the traffic scene in bangkok can be described in 1 word - daytona.

6. thai massage is the da bomb. best soothing treatment for the body after a long day of shopping and fighting through the crowds of chatuchak. though my mom and i didn't invest in a full body massage, we indulged in a 30min foot massage at the night bazaar. my legs felt heavenly after that! haaa.

7. the thai are friendly, i must admit to a certain extent. that's not to say they are capable of being civilised if you don't patronise them if you don't like the stuff they sell. hmmm.

8. the new thai airport is evidently understaffed and overused. most return flights were delayed. regardless of the airline, except singapore airlines. oh well. our return flight was delayed by 4 hours! and the ruddy tour agent didn't give a shit about informing us earlier. he just proceeded to dump us at the airport. we only found out about the delay when one of the other singaporeans got a call from his relative about the delay! am still pissed about it, evidently.

okay that's the end of my list of observations in thailand. okay it is obviously tainted with my biased personal experiences, but it is nonetheless reliable. hurhur. now we must move on to my shopping! hahaha. this is the entire list of items my mom and i bought.

8 dresses
10 tee shirts
1 belt
6 pairs of earrings
3 bangles
1 scarf
1 stuffed toy
1 candle
2 magnets
6 paper hangers
8 sequin boxes
3 pairs of shoes
2 pairs of jeans
4 pairs of shorts
5 bags
2 ties
3 boxes of chocolates
10 packs of dry food stuff
1 pirated cd

okay i think there's more, but i can't recall right now. hurhur actually the list isn't all that long since both of us bought a lot for friends and family. well, i dont think i'll be going back to bangkok for shopping for a long long while. i dont even think i'll be going shopping for a long while. unless i'm accompanying a friend or the boyfriend for his christmas shopping. i can't believe i'm saying this, but I AM SICK OF SHOPPING. i'm sick of seeing online shopping mailing list updates! well well, it's obvious too much of a good thing can still do you harm. hahahaha. but i think this hiatus will only last for so long. 2 weeks max, trust me. haha.

actually i'm sick of travelling too! well there'll still be the genting trip next jan. i'm feeling a horrible sense of apprehension after my bout of motion sickness in bangkok. hurhur. nvm i will psych myself up when the time comes.

she said, what's the point of being so nice when no one's being so nice to you? all the good you do will just come to nothing. no point in giving when whatever you receive in return is so minute in comparison. i think, it's true. it's true. but i don't know why i still continue being this way. perhaps it's in hope that they'll be just as nice to me as i am to them some day. or perhaps some day will come and i'll be less naive.

anat ca results have been released. am disappointed with myself. next time, only the yellow words can prevail. RAHHHHHHHH.

it's time to continue on my project! bye y'all.

as i wave goodbye

2007-12-13T00:28:00.000+08:00

HELLO HELLO :)

more updates on my mundane life. not-so-mundane to me cos i'm having lots of fun, but of course it pales when it compares to people going on mission or relief trips. good for them, but i'm enjoying my me-time very much now, thank you.

okay i am sounding very self-centered. hurhur.

monday was staying home all day day! movie marathon at home, and the theme of the day was tom cruise! i watched war of the worlds and minority report. minority report was very very good! haha and i like the nice cars they were using in the movie. i must have my chick-flick and absolute-slapstick and singapore-production themes soon! hehe.

tuesday was a day out with tung flora and tracy. of course we settled down at mos burger, our favourite haunt, followed by shopping at far east. not that we bought anything though, hurhur. town was horribly boring so we adjourned to tung's condo and started our mahjong escapade! we ordered pizza and invited the boyfriends to come too. haaa totally started to recoup my major losses after my lucky shootingstar arrived. hurhurhur :D

today! i had to work in the morning. then it was supposed to huilin and dory day. but NO my dear bestfriend huilin pangseh-ed us again to nuar at home to await clubbing! sigh, am disappointed. so dory and i had thai express for lunch (yes, a day before i fly off to thailand, i eat thai food). and we watched alvin and the chipmunks! such a cute and retarded show that'll make you laugh and laugh at their chipmunk voices. hurhur. i like theodore - the green and fat one! he's so so so cute. more shopping at far east ensued today, and we both spreed again. dorinda is a BAD shopping buddy. hahaha. and she was wearing a large pink flower in her hair! and a purple dress. since i was wearing a bright green dress, we totally clashed. hahaha. but it was a good week so far.

i love my personal chauffeur :D

tomorrow i'll be flying off to bangkok with my mom all the way till sunday! more shopping. hahaha i suspect we'll be going crazy for the next 4 days. heheh. i'll be uncontactable, so you guys, please dont die and take care of yourselves. hahaha. bye! :)

yippee fun!

2007-12-10T13:04:00.000+08:00

i had a great weekend! i love my holidays :D

saturday was fantastic. hahaha we received our david and goliath shirts! very very nice. and i was gifted a very nice porcelain flowery case! uber pretty. heh. lunch was at OUTBACK STEAKHOUSE. totally blasted the stomach with AUSSIE CHEESE FRIES, CHICKEN TENDERS and JACKET POTATOES. outback's always my favourite celebratory meal place :)

we walked around milenia walk, and i was so tempted by the grey's anatomy season 1 dvd! it's only 32.90. not very cheap for a dvd, but it's much better than the vcd versions of the later seasons at 79.90! okay i will resist and wait for a kind soul to lend me. hahaha. afterwhich we deliberated around jitterbugs. hahaha someone was horribly spooked by jitterbugs' open-for-all-to-see studios. then we strolled over to the esplanade and found max brenner's chocolate bar! oh man someone date me and bring me there soon. chocolate heaven. aaaah.

after that we took beloved bus 36 (haha okay, inside joke) to the airport. T3 is up! and it's very very nice, spacious and windy. hurhur. of course the macs decided to shut on us when we reached there at 6.30pm! :/ but anyway everything else hasn't opened yet. heheh. since we had no other choice, we trooped off to T2 for more macs. love the SHAKERRR FRIES eh. hahaha.

well yes. it was a good day! :D

moving on to sunday. work was good, though my reaction time to a lot of stuff in the clinic was evidently lengthened. and i realised this morning that i screwed up some company billing thing unknowingly. okay hopefully we still can get the money back. haha. okay i shouldn't be laughing.

anat group outing was good. but i'll let the pictures do the talking :)

these were the stuff we bought from amk hub. amounted to $117++. evidently we bought too much. hahaha 12 chicken thighs, 2 stacks of ribs, salad making stuff, 6 6-pk drinks, 5 large packs of chips, 1 box of japonais biscuits, oreo family pack.... we bought so much i couldnt remember. did i mention that we bought enough to feed 12, but only 8 turned up! hahaha.

we prepared two bowls of salad! using our bare hands. hahaha here's matilda brandishing the knife and shredding the chicken thigh.

i was in charge of the smoked salmon and this is what i do with them. hahaha.

look at our yummy cheese and salmon salad!

and our mango and chicken salad (okay we haven't added the mango at that point of time)

yay the salad makers :D matilda and me

the girls who turned up - lynette, tina, matilda and me. haha this picture sure captures lynette's personality. joking, joking. hahaha.

and this is the gang which stayed out very late. joseph, hanlong (our host), lynette, zhouhao and tina.

activities for the night was mainly tv. we watched '101 things removed from the human body'. so freaky lah! there was a drill bit, 6lb tumor, diamond ring, tree branch, etc! and there we were, trying to say all the body parts we know and attempting to decipher the histo pictures and x-rays shown. hahaha all while we were tearing our chicken thighs apart. after which we watched beauty and the beast. oh yes, i didn't mention that the theme for the night was disney magic. hahaha. and i was the only noob who hasn't watched it. yesyes, deprived childhood filled with sesame street and power rangers. they were so funny! they screamed and gasped and cheered on the characters in the cartoon at all the appropriate times even though they already knew what was going to happen. SO LAME. and then we watched 2 episodes of house season 1. and did more further medical crap. hahaha.

heh i think i haven't mentioned that after all that food, we still ordered canadian 2-4-1 pizza! hahaha. we were all super bloated after all that.

and lynette and i were totally having laughing fits. she was doing her 'heeheeheeheeheehee' and they said i was doing the 'harharharharharhar'. whatever that means. heh.

okay now i must conclude once again that my weekend was so good! yay! this holidays must past slowly ok. before long it'll be back to med sch mach 1 again. heh. hope you guys are enjoying yourselves too.

bye! :D

oh my goodness it's free!

2007-12-07T22:50:00.000+08:00

HIT IT - PLAY THE FUNKY MUSIC TILL YOU DIE.............. TILL YOU DIEEEE!!

hahahaha i heard that song the other day while studying for biochem. totally wanted to get away from the lecture notes and do a lil dance (okay i did though it's an inappropriate time).

but now. YAY YAY YAY the exams are finally over. celebrations for the rest of december! hahahaha.

but first, i must talk about the cas. well biochem was entirely a test of my guessing skills, physio was a test of my smoking skills, while anatomy was a test of my memory skills. i did okay for biochem, largely due to my good luck and elimination skills. hahaha. physio is just unbelievably screwed up. and anat is neither here nor there. reason being that it's a subject which requires pure memory - there isn't much conceptual understanding involved. so if you know which artery gives off the cystic artery, good for you. if you dont, you dont. just give a good guess, but you'll nv know for sure cos the human body is just so weird in some ways. hahaha. anyway i shall not worry about the rest of my results until they're released. yes THOU SHALL NOT WORRY TILL NEEDED. heh.

oh yes and i realised, mostly to my horror, that even though i slogged long and hard for the ca preparations, the intensity and effectiveness of my revision totally pales in comparison to my other classmates. these people seriously have fantastic memory powers. i do admit that i was rather distracted during the studying period - online window shopping, snacking, going out for prata, problems, tv........ evidently i must buck up in the new year! i guess whether it's worth it to work so hard for something so insignificant is another matter altogether. most times i study to satisfy my conscience rather than according to logic. hurhurhur.

okay that's enough about studies. heh!

after the exams today, i escaped the strongholds of nus and everything-medical by going out with dorinda! okay she's a future-medical-student (FMS), but that's not counted yet. hahaha. SHOPPING SPREE DAY. for me, at least. you can stop reading now, but i'm so going to chronicle my day out now. haha.

our meeting started with our dear girl forgetting to bring her ezlink card. hahahaha. no wait, it started with me getting irritated with public transport once again! hates public transport and the people who make it irritating. okay sorry, i'm channelling spoilt brat mood. hey, but i know you agree public transport is such an annoyance sometimes. ANYWAY. we trooped off to city hall to eat kenny rogers. oh pure heaven! MACARONI AND CHEESE, CORN NIBLETS, GARDEN POTATO SALAD, POTATO PARSLEY SALAD, ROASTERS WINGS, SOUP AND ICED TEA. horribly satisfying. hahaha.

and then we trooped back to city hall interchange to take a train to bugis. oh and i met yien on the way! that girl was on her shopping spree with friend too. heh anyway dory's slippers broke during one of our clothes-trying incidents. and hence she had to half-slither, half-hobble to the shoe shop. evidently an unlucky day for her today. hahahaha. moral of this short story is never to buy $2 shoes anywhere - no matter how nice they look. they last 2 weeks lah. haaa.

so! we reached bugis. and it nicely started to pour. HOW TO GET TO HAJI LANE. sigh we resigned to walking around in bugis junction, surrounded by neoprint shops and billabong and 77th street and such. felt horribly old and out-of-place, so we ran off hand in hand to haji lane as soon as the rain stopped. hehe.

haji lane was a blast! haha huilin must be damn jealous now. haha nvm girl, we go to your arab street on wednesday. heh. so many many many nice stuff! was so horribly thrilled climbing up and down the stairs of the shophouses. ok which resulted in quick digestion of kenny rogers and hypoglycemia by 5pm. hahaha. and so i pounced on a cheap RED CLUTCH from victoriajomo (huilin, you'll totally go crazy at this shop, haha) and an expensive WHITE AND GOLD CHIFFON TOP from soon lee! okay it totally doesn't justify the hole burnt in my wallet despite one item being cheap and the other being expensive. hahaha, just trying though. hurhur. dory was totally going crazy - shoes bags shoes bags KIV, etc. well, haji lane is hard to resist. heh.

and then it started pouring once again after we made my purchases. had lil luck with taxis and the rain and the traffic as we tried to make our way to town. lil luck with finding quintessential at mandarin gallery, so we had dinner at MOS BURGER. once again, a cheaper dinner to compensate for the expensive lunch. heh. this was followed by venezia (damn cheaters with more expensive scoops and smaller cups!) ice cream and the sesame street show at the taka event hall. I LOVE ERNIE. so cute. he's orange, wears horizontal stripes, has no eyebrows and has a horizontal stump on his head for hair. now, who do we know also has such fascinating hair and also going to take over the sun! *ahemcoughROYcoughahem* hahaha.

and so my shopping trip ended with more window shopping at wisma before finally succumbing to pure exhaustion. had to trudge our heavy selves to the mrt station. okay channeling spoilt brat vibes again. haha i'm sorry.

AM SO PSYCHED UP ABOUT THE REST OF THE MONTH!

out tomorrow with ian
sunday clinic work + anat group gathering
tuesday out shopping with tung flora tracy
wednesday clinic work + out shopping with huilin dory
13th-16th off to bangkok
19th clinic work + may have to sing a capella at the hospice (HELP)
23rd meihong + becky's birthday celebration
24th xmas eve! clinic work + xmas dinner at amara
25th xmas day!
26th mom's bday + clinic work
27th clinic work + anniversary celebration!
28th clinic work
30th clinic work
31st new years eve + granddad's bday celebration
1st jan new years day!
2nd-4th jan off to genting with anat group!
7th BACK TO SCHOOL. sigh.

wow wow wow. YAY YAY YAY. am so thrilled at 12am at night after such a long day. hahaha okay enjoy your holidays too people!

bye :D

i wish he knew.

2007-12-03T22:46:00.000+08:00

she's pretty.
adorable.
huggable.
and she gets both their attention.

she's athletic.
tanned.
slim.
and she gets the first prize.

she's everything i'm not.

hey dear, she said.
like he was hers.
cakes, food, letters.
calls, smses, emails.

he made a u-y.
back to another he left behind.
if only he knew.
it's not how it used to be anymore.

it feels like i'm not in the mood for love.
maybe tomorrow i will be.
but only maybe.

it will all be over soon.

2007-12-03T11:48:00.000+08:00

do you know what's my biggest strength and weakness? it's true, they're both the same thing.

the ability to psycho myself.

hurhurhur. want a preview? here it goes.

'go sonia, it's the ruddy CAs, you better study harder.'
'but the CAs are overrated, it's only 20%!'
'it's 20%! you dont want a handicap for your pros, do you?'
'come on, look at the rest of the facs, they're not as hung up as you are, and theirs are 100%!'
'yeah, yeah, convince your conscience that it's not important.'
'i'll do fine lah, it's just a 1 hour paper for all 3 tracks, plus, it's MCQ.'
'yep but you got so much to study, aren't you going to start now.'
'haiya pass can already lah.'
'oh yes, say that again when the average mark for the whole cohort is once again 80%'

look the voices in my head go. schizophrenia, here i come.

haven't i mentioned that i'm ruddy bipolar.

it feels like the rest of my life starts on the 7th of dec, 10am. GO, ME.

picture of exam stress

2007-11-30T15:55:00.000+08:00

yesterday was a good day :D

in the midst of mugging, mugging and more mugging, i got some comfort company! my morning drive was fortified with funny bunny antics. i love springing surprises. hahaha pun.

lunch with mom at jack's place was great. and shopping after that was very satisfying too. she bought me a tee shirt from outfitter girls with 'VERY HUGGABLE' splashed across it. hahaha. plus a dress, a bf shirt and a spag top. *claps with glee* okay call me materialistic, but i like to err, expand my wardrobe. ha ha ha.

night time mugging was once again interjected with a visit from huilin and dory! plus extensive cam whoring at the playground with huilin's fisheye cam. i was evidently the picture of exam stress - floundering around the playground with them. hahaha.

and today! i fetched my grandma and maid to the ave 4 market for some grocery shopping! it feels good to be helping out with homely chores. haha and i indulged in macs drive thru once again :D yay!

studying has been moderately efficient with my bro off in tokyo enjoying himself with his school choir. my goodness, kids these days get to go to tokyo disneyland for exchange programmes! lucky asses. hahaha. evidently there has been lots of silence in the house without him around. the downside? my parents pay more attention to me now that he's not around. haha what a double-edged sword. hehehe.

cam-whoring experiences will be uploaded soon - when i steal them from a certain missbroad. hahahaha. okay bye. studying time. gastrointestinal tract, i love :D

optimism

2007-11-26T18:31:00.000+08:00

indeed, there is no such thing as an incurable disease.
it's only that the cure hasn't been found yet.

similarly there's no such thing as an idiopathic condition.
we just haven't discovered the cause yet.

wonders wonders wonders.
here we are to add to the wonders of medicine.

so not a joyride

2007-11-23T19:12:00.000+08:00

oh yes i want to pack my bags and drive off in my fast car! :)

but first, let's just be realistic. another week has past. just about 1 week more to CAs. which means i have to PIA PIA PIA for revision which i haven't really started at all. sigh. the week has been filled with long days, tbl, and fas. therefore it's time for another stay-home-weekend. hahaha it's not too bad though, i get to stay home and order macdonalds! yummy. haha.

oh and i went to visit tung at sgh on tuesday. that poor girl had fainting spells at home, so her parents sent her to a&e. and she was kept under observation, done an angiogram and biopsy of her heart cells. apparently she has myocarditis. inflammation of the heart muscle due to viral infection/bacteria, etc. she was given antibiotics, but she's still at sgh right now. get well soon okay dear! and you better learn how to walk faster. hehe. it was great seeing tung, flora and tracy again. did a whole deal of gossiping and crazying in the hospital ward. the ward seems like a small party room! haha cos there were loads of people visiting that night. hurhur. oh and did i mention tung was the youngest patient in the cardio dept? hahaha.

the other day, the cofm people made us do a survey for them regarding family medicine and general practice. at the very end, there was this part which asked about our top 3 choices for specialties. i really didn't know what to write. i know people who are entirely sure on their top choice - paeds, cardio, o&g, surgery, etc. and there i was, at a loss. of course it's not something to be worried about lah. i used to be keen about doing geriatrics. but now, i guess i'll like to keep my options open and explore all specialties before making as far as a possible choice. yesyes.

oh and i am going to nuh dept of surgery for the early clinical exposure thing! yippee. so exciting. but it's not without apprehension though. interaction with patients! okay let's hope i wouldn't screw things up. heh.

1 more week to cas, 2 more weeks to end of cas and holidays! mahjong+kbox+stayover at tung's, full day out with boyfriend, movie marathon+anat group outing plus shopping trip to bangkok with mum. yesyesyes! i cannot wait. plus i get to work at the clinic again. yippee. timetimetime lots of time to spare :D i love holidays. and there's christmas! celebrations. plus new year! whoopee i'm delirious.

ANYWAY. time for tutorials, notes, guyton, snell, wheaters, netters, and marks. my favourite. hahaha. good luck for tests everyone! :D

what medicine does to you

2007-11-15T16:08:00.000+08:00

i've been in medical school for about 3 months now. somehow, it's become more bearable. the environment which i deemed to be cold and unfriendly has more or less become part and parcel of my daily life. i don't complain about it anymore. it's a 'yep that's just how it is' feeling. it's getting used to things, adapting to new surroundings. this is what i hope is happening. i hope it's not because i've changed to become cold and unfriendly too. call me insecure, but i don't want to turn into such a person.

disconnected thoughts invade my head everyday. it's especially more these days. perhaps it's because i've been watching house, and reading med story books. it seems to get me in touch with my doctorly emotions. hahaha.

why is it that some people have medicine invade their everyday lives? as in, it's in their speech, in their thoughts, in their daily activities. of course i think about it everyday - come on, we're studying for CAs - but how come some people can integrate it so easily? well i don't speak of my arm as the upper limb. or the spine as the vertebral column. or the fact that i'm have stomach pain as referred pain in the umbilical region. i still say stomach pain, not abdominal pain! i dont say my feces are stercobilin, or that i'm have angina pectoris when i pant up the stairs. and i don't find medical jokes funny at all. and when someone tells me something retarded about the funny bone, etc, i can't help hoping we can talk about something outside of medicine.

is this normal?

it's not like i don't love medicine. i do, very much. but i'm not ready to allow it to invade every part of me. at least, not yet. after all, we're still medical students and we'll definitely have our time to delve more into the different facets of medicine (sometimes without a choice, but anyway). i'll still want to preserve my non-medicine parts of my life when i have the chance right now, thank you very much.

i don't know. maybe it's my defense mechanism to state my stand because i think that i'm not as good as others, or i'm not as in love with medicine as i should be. heck, i don't have to prove all this to anybody. case closed, totally.

on a separate note, malay lesson #1 happened on tuesday! i will practise my malay now. saya suka belajar pada hari isnin, selasa, rabu, jumaat, malam, sabtu dan minggu. saya tak mau main. ada hantu di belakang awak! lari lari! hahahaha. so exciting. tak nasi babi man, totally. heh. let's hope i still remember all this when i go out into the wards.

tomorrow is happy friday with the cadavers! i love my fridays. yet another homebound weekend. till december 7th comes. :D

pbl research awaits. bye!

satisfied.

2007-11-11T20:56:00.000+08:00

:D

i've had a very good weekend! YAY.

saturday was world diabetes day! it was held at the toa payoh hdb hub, to raise awareness of diabetes as a chronic disease, treatments, monitoring devices, etc. so this group of us volunteered to conduct the health screening which included blood pressure and glucose tests. and so we arrived at 10am, bright and early :) started the day off with packing of the goodie bags which we finished in half an hour and shopped around toa payoh for another half an hour. after that we downed a few polar puffs (i had 1 curry puff and 3 sandwiches - no time for lunch or breakfast), and the screening started at 12, 1 hour before it was supposed to start, due to the sheer volume of people waiting already. i'm telling you, it was fun. taking the blood pressure (automated one though), and pricking people for blood for the blood glucose test. and most of all, interacting with the people.

it was really an eye-opening experience (cliche, i know), but it really was! some people are really scared of needles, some people dont even flinch when i poke them. some people's blood gush out really quickly, some need lots of pressure for a drop to flow out. some people get really worried about their results, while others are not too concerned even when the results are abnormal. and i realised that my hokkien is better than my mandarin. haiyo can't string a sentence together properly! and all that studying for chinese all my life has done nothing to help me. sigh. i guess i better brush up on the language skills now in med sch before i head out into the wards and scare people with my substandard linguistic skills. hurhurhur.

but we only did the screening for 2 hours instead of the 3 hours we were allocated due to the extra manpower from some volunteer nurses. NOT SHIOK ENOUGH LAH. hahaha.

anyway i am still motivated to sign up for more of these activities! :)

and today was another great day. great comfort company :) plus i watched stardust at vivo! a little dreamy fantasy show with the love story. nice and sweet show. and tristan is a very nice name. hahaha. but a little too narnia for me. too many of these sort of shows coming out though. golden compass, seeker, whatnot all rolling along into our cinemas. well well well.

and i must say that gv vivo is overrated. their seats are uber uncomfortable! plus the cinema is small! oh well.

must go and finally study for the weekend now. the weekend has been play play play play. no trouble with the work/play paradox right now. haha must study after playing! hurhur. OH I CAN'T WAIT FOR DECEMBER TO COME. oh yes. okay bye! :D

public holiday ROCKS.

2007-11-08T21:57:00.000+08:00

Get More at loonyflash.com

HELLO :D

i managed to get this animation some prof showed us some time ago. anatomy idol or something, he said. hahaha it's SO CUTE and brainless. in the tune of my favourite oldie, no less :)

it's a happy holiday. totally ousted studying last night for house season 3 and surprise food delivery. chocolate mousse + banana cake, oreo cheesecake, kiwi strawberry snapple and lay's classic :) thanks dear. and today i had a nice thai express lunch at thomson plaza followed by ice cream and fries at swensens. yippee.

I LOVE MY FOOD ESCAPADES. which is why the christmas wish which i scribbled on the pru white ball said 'lots of food escapades :) yum.' hurhur. never ever going to have a flat stomach. sigh.

i am hopelessly bipolar in many ways.

yesterday i was listening to emo songs on my ipod - rock songs, slow songs, sad songs, etc. and choreographing ballet sequences in my head to fit the songs to express the pain, sorrow and anger in the songs. i often wish that i could learn ballet, do graceful turns, kicks and spins. a bit too late for that now.

anyway. and today i was listening to my new mos shodown cd - hip hop, r&b, explicit content etc. and i was choreographing hip hop moves and clubbing grooves spontaneously. really got me in the mood for clubbing. did i mention the cd came with a free entry pass for 2 into mos. ROARS. december, come quickly.

sir william osler said, "live a simple and temperate life, that you may give all your powers to your profession. medicine is a jealous mistress; she will be satisfied with no less."

my dad first told me about this quotation when i started preparing for the interviews into med school. i thought i knew what it meant. boy, was i grossly wrong. i can't say that i understand it fully now. i understand it more than i did 3 months ago, and i am definitely feeling the effect of this jealous mistress. oh but it can only get more trying in future. it is only the beginning. go, me.

i remember, a question an interviewer asked me. what kind of doctor do you want to be? it doesn't matter, whether i'll eventually be in gp, o&g, cardio, paeds, or whatever. i want to be doctor that my patients will be able to approach if they need help, someone there they would trust. not just technical competency, and not just a doctor who can only cure them of their physical illness. i want to be more than just someone who issues medical certs or cuts body parts.

i think, this idealism is an double-edged sword.

random post indeed. off to do my anatomy tutorial. enjoy your weekend people. bye! :)

cookie crumble

2007-11-03T14:38:00.000+08:00

hello :D

i present, pictures from xiying's birthday celebration last week :D

random camera-whoring

more random camera -whoring while taking a break from our beans game

me with the belated birthday girl - evidently i'm weird. look at her shirt.

xiying with her oreo cheescake from serangoon. hurhur.

meihong waihan and lihong, whoring with the planting beans game cards

and my favourite pic! taken with a self-timer. we're experts now. :D

dory delivered DONUTS CREPES and i contributed CHIPS yesterday in school. that girl actually went all the way down to donut factory and out of the pan at raffles city to get food for me and charis. how sweet :) and so we stuffed our faces outside lt29 while waiting for cadaver time. hur.

and i had a nice date with the boyfriend yesterday :) yummy CHICKEN WINGS, SPAGHETTI, FRIES and MEATBALLS at ikea. followed by a long drive to mount faber and labrador park nearby. much better than the perennial east coast park and esplanade. the jewel box on mount faber is just fabulous. the view from the top is comparable to the one at victoria peak in hongkong. it's a wonder that there's such a place in singapore. plus you can watch star cruises sail past at labrador park! NICE.

had my virgin spree experience! davidandgoliathtees. hopefully it turns out okay. hurhurhur. goods arrive in 1 month! obviously i have to restrain my instant gratification tendencies. hahaha.

mugging time! BYE :D

ONE MORE.

2007-11-01T22:01:00.000+08:00

OOH I LIKE THIS ONE TOO. IT'S RED, HAS COOL DOORS AND LOOKS FIERCE :D

resigned

2007-11-01T21:39:00.000+08:00

i want my bmw z4!

things to do:

study
study
study
study
study

ways to achieve aims:

mug like there's no tomorrow
mass mugging party
bury self in snell
knock head against wall repeatedly

other peripheral things to do:

meet friends
meet boyfriend
play mahjong
watch house + grey's anatomy
facebook
blog
have a food escapade
HAVE A BLOODY LIFE

evidently, i am:

burning out
having a personality disorder
in the clubbing mood
being horribly random and whiny
BEING ANNOYING ABOVE ALL ELSE.

but i love it. the weekend is here! :D i have a life 2 out of 7 days in a week - that's not bad. hurhur. i hope you have one too, my fellow long-suffering friends. hahahahahahahaha.

okay bye.

whirlwind

2007-10-27T14:58:00.000+08:00

hello world :)

this weekend, i'm staying at home. i'm skipping playhouse, because 5 hours spent in ucc seems like a long time on a saturday afternoon. i'm skipping lunch with the boyfriend because i ought to catch up on my work. i'm skipping mahjong with my favourite people cos of the same reason. and i'm skipping dinner with my family also cos of the same ruddy reason and then some. okay now, who was the one saying that she'll not drop into the trap of mugging like some frantic zit. ME. and who's succumbing now? yes, ME. i want to pass my physio FA. i want to catch up. i want to not worry about my upcoming CA, but i think that's too much of a stretch for a worrywart like me. hurhurhur.

i've been more productive this week! yay. major achievement: i haven't been taking afternoon naps everyday :) self-restraint has been working for majority of the days. heheh.

on to more mindless happenings. we celebrated xiying's birthday belatedly last night. we went down to becky's condo and pigged out on canadian pizza, oreo cake and chocolate ice cream. along with our very own mind cafe like games. I HAD FUN. i haven't laughed like i had with them for a long, long time. perhaps the next time i'll do that again would be in december, after all our ruddy CAs. wow i really can't wait for december to come.

now let's see, what will i be able to do in december! how about, a life without studying all day long for a month! now, that's exciting. plus there's christmas :D

okay i will stop dreaming about the near future, and focus on the nearer future now. which is to ruddy catch up on my studies.

photos taken with huilin's fisheye cam last friday at vi'lage

have a good weekend people. bye! :)

grit

2007-10-23T18:02:00.000+08:00

i am determined.

i want to run away

2007-10-20T15:47:00.000+08:00

hello.

it has generally been a bad week. i've been battling with some flu virus all week, the works - sneezy nose, sore throat and itchy cough. result: constant lethargy and the general inability to achieve anything academically.

i failed monday's physio tbl! that was quite depressing. i know that it probably has no effect on my final results, plus everyone else was failing. but dont we know that all these dont matter to me. failing is failing. plus i tried to study! well obviously i need to study in a better way. sigh.

yesterday i met up with dory and huilin for dinner at vil'age. rosti and mushroom and cheese crepes were good. that was followed by shopping at far east - i saw a wonderfully nice but awfully expensive green vintage handbag. I WANT IT. hmph will resist unreasonable temptations. hurhurhur.

of course, something worse happened in the middle of the night. it's making me want to run away from here and behave like an escapist. what trust, respect, love. i'm just sinking into uber-jadedness. face it, i said. but i just dont want to face her, and get dragged into some shouting match.

who's at fault now? i dont think that's very important. what are we going to do about it - that's the question. it'll probably change how things are between me and her. it'll probably never be the same again. but then again, it's time for us to finally face the problem we have. you are you, i am i. i just want some respect and some rationality. thing is, we dont have the same standards when it comes to that. you expect me to respect you, but you forget that i already do have a brain, a life, an opinion. i can't just quietly swallow whatever you lash out forever. this must change.

it's a much bigger problem than what you think. threats just wont solve the problem.

you guys should all talk about it together, they said. but i think, it'll never work. it's just a waste of time, tears and effort to even bother trying. to try to achieve an universal good, and minimise the damage done, it's better if i face it alone. there is just no point, i realised.

i think that's enough for today. i'm off to do work and attempt to pass monday's tbl. take care guys.

bye!

fairytale fantasy of sorts

2007-10-13T10:48:00.000+08:00

hello!

back with more escapades over the past two days! hurhurhur. evidently i haven't been doing much studying at all. but i will buck up this weekend, i promise. i guess what they say is true, dont let the system eat you up, and you wont ever have to worry about drowning in it. as med students, if we let the stereotypes of MUGGING ALL DAY WITHOUT FAIL affect you, then inevitably, you'll eventually conform to it and make your own life miserable. i guess over the past 2 months or so, i haven't allowed myself to be sucked into the system completely. true, i have been studying more than in the past, but i guess that's just to stay afloat. but this rebellious streak in me that i've come to discover in recent times has somewhat allowed me to maintain a social life and a healthy emotional state of sorts. thank goodness. study smart, not hard, the counsellors say, or else you'll die. yep, i will take their advice. but i digress from the main point. haa.

i haven't done anything academic the past two days! thursday was IMPULSIVE DAY. so after school i met up with dorinda in orchard, and we went SHOPPING. oh yes it was fun. creamy chicken at pasta mania was da bomb :) and i spent like a hundred bucks in one afternoon. ooops. once again, we succumbed to the same top in forever 21, and i finally bought my first ever cardigan from zara. yes as inspired by lynette. hurhur. plus parking at paragon cost me $10.30 for a period of 3½ hours. :/ i will now always take mrt to orchard. and spend the money saved on parking on something else more worth while. like food! hahaha.

and later in the night i succumbed to yet another impulse to perm my hair. okay now it's curly and i look 25. SIGH. but the saving grace is that at least the hair looks nice. and my brother said only my back view looks nice. such a mean ass. hmph.

yes i am turning into a spendthrift.

but hey i spent a grand total of only $2.80 on friday. hehe. well cos dinner was sponsored. and so we met, and had dinner at PASTA DE WARAKU. whoopee the pasta was really quite good. we had some prawn+chicken baked macaroni as well as pork bacon+potato cream pasta. yummy. and after that we walked down clarke quay to boat quay to esplanade. along the way i had to take a few rests. my goodness i think my knees can't take my weight anymore! oh no. hurhurhur. and so we adjourned to singapore art cafe at the esplanade library for more hot chocolate, which they call CHOCOCINO. very good and warm, try it. haa. and they were having their jammin' night at the cafe, so there were a few singers doing their acoustic gigs. they were very very good. and this is coming from sonia who hates live bands and live performances by amateur singers. hence you guys should really go attend their jammin' nights on fridays too. haha. yesyes so overall it was a nice night.

and so i said, okay, let's give it a try. so here we go, welcome back. tennis, kayaking and ballroom dancing. wow, radical man. hurhur. but i'll be looking forward.

welcome back, dorinda :)

alright i think this entry is too long. have a good weekend guys. and happy hari raya puasa! did i mention i'm going for seafood tonight with my family. OH MY CHILLI CRAB. haha alright. have fun people. bye! :)

succumbing to temptation

2007-10-10T22:31:00.000+08:00

look! surprises come in the form of my favourite snacks too.

i wish i knew

2007-10-10T18:24:00.000+08:00

anatomy ca is finally over! *does a little jiggle* wee. no more mugging like it's a levels until sunday. oh well cos there's blood tbl once again. hmphs.

shopping tmr! and pig out session on friday! oh yay booming social life is back in session.

now that tests are over, it's time to think about stuff. reflect, consider, decide. rational, irrational. i can't even decide what exactly is rational. what is rational in your mind may be totally irrational in mine. gut instinct, trust or not to trust. wait and see? but we all survive on instant gratification.

but yes. i know i'll make the right and the best decision in the end, no regrets. you guys should trust me on this, and NOT WORRY. yippeedooda.

dinner time! then back to muggerworld. perhaps some online window shopping first would be therapeutic. haha. goody.

bye! :)

surprise of the day

2007-10-07T21:10:00.001+08:00

look! that was my surprise of the day.

maybe i am suicidal

2007-10-07T13:10:00.000+08:00

hellooooo.

she said, sometimes i try to take things a day at a time, but most times it all hits me all at once. oh yes i agree. evidently my emotional resilience, strength, stress-management skills aren't at an all-time high. worrying about anatomy ca can lead to emo mood which can lead to pmsing. and further agitation can lead to snappy moods. i think i'm hopelessly unstable. it's weird now that i can't seem to handle situations as well as i did when i was younger. perhaps it's cos there's so much more to handle now. or maybe i'm just ageing and going downhill. whoopee.

on to happier news. PIGGING OUT AT DEMPSEY yesterday! hurhur. started off with mahjong over at dory's place. then pigging out at MARGARITA'S. we settled for it after walking around the ulu place for so long cos of its wonderful ambience, and more importantly, its sumptuous aroma! haha. yummy it's some mexican restaurant with countless tortilla and nacho-like dishes. i loved my odd-tasting-chocolate tinged mole sauce-tortilla-chicken dish. plus the nachos+salsa appetizer. dory at 2 spring rolls. what a waste of good food. hahaha.

after that we trooped off to BEN&JERRY'S opposite. roy had his yummy apple pie while we sat around discussing the cute guy and what not. the ambience there was fantastic too. i was fantasizing about the four-poster bed on its second level. that sounds a bit wrong, but i MUST get a 4-poster bed when i grow up. hehe. oh yes dory and i figured that our future virgin mansion should look like that ben&jerry's place. homely and comfy and dark with candles. i have an obsession with nice ambience with candles all over the place. well maybe that's cos i'm not allowed to burn my candles in my house now. my parents have this overly paranoid view that i'll burn down the house. okay i digress.

then we adjourned to serangoon gardens for drinks. my craving for some alcohol turned into an undying craving for hot chocolate, which we got at COFFEE BEAN. hurhur. hot chocolate is so therapeutic man. especially when i needed some serious therapy last night. though the hot chocolate at starbucks is much better. haha. that was coupled with side-splitting laughs courtesy of the mahjong gang finally got my mood back up to the normal range at the end of the night. thanks guys :)

that's all for my food escapade of the week. hurhurhur. i think next friday i'll have another food escapade. oh saturday too! when i go for my generation dinner. hahaha i am growing fatter by the minute. oh no but i'm not feeling guilty about it. haha. i only feel super guilty about all the money i'm spending on food! especially when i'm not financially independent. sighs i'm just succumbing to the deadly sin of gluttony!

did i mention that i totally cannot go pigging out with chuah and dory. they love vegetables. and dory eats half her food. yesterday was even worse. only 2 spring rolls. WHAT is the joy in eating like that. haha alright i will now refrain from sounding like a meat-hungry-carnivore. ok suddenly the tune of nelly furtado's maneater pops into the head. hurhur.

alright lah. for now, i'll focus on my ruddy anatomy ca. and prepare to be partially liberated on wednesday. then face it on friday. yup sonia will not be an escapist. enjoy your week guys.

bye :)

CRAVING

2007-10-02T20:54:00.000+08:00

i'm craving for fast food! macdonalds kfc mos burger king long john silver. WHO WANTS TO EAT FAST FOOD WITH ME!! :)

okay there's always macs drive through and i can pig out alone.

dirty little secrets.

2007-10-02T16:07:00.001+08:00

today i watched this video and visited this site, post secret. basically it's about this project that this man, frank, started 2 years ago. people send in their deepest secrets to him on a postcard, and in a way, it's a form of emotional release for themselves. since then, frank has set up the blog, posting the cards up for everyone to see. hence it has become a form of emotional therapy for others who read the blog. it struck me, how people on the other side of the world can feel the exact same way as we do here. what struck me even more was the suffering people go through inside themselves, where nobody knows, or cares to find out. it just goes to show that the world CAN be a sad sad place full of sad sad people. sometimes i feel so helpless, cos i can't do anything to make a difference to it. perhaps in future, when i finally can put on that white coat and string a stethoscope around my neck, i can do little things to make a minute difference to the people i meet and treat. hopefully.

of course. i'll have to graduate from med school first. and that isn't very easy when the 2 ruddy tests i had yesterday and today were so sucky! sighs. didn't do too well for the blood fa thing yesterday. and today's anat fa - SIGH. i hope i pass. really must study harder for the blood self-assessment and anat ca next week. must get full marks! hurhur.

today we had ethics pbl. our facilitator was really good. she's a senior consultant for emergency medicine at sgh! cool stuff. today's case study was about this lady who had gangrene in her foot. suggested treatment would be an amputation, but the patient's totally against the operation. we actually thought that perhaps it'll be one boring session at the start. but when the discussion started, it was actually quite stimulating to see things from all perspectives - patient, patient's loved ones and doctor. i foresee that research will be quite fun! yay. oh and i realised one thing about myself today during the discussion - i've got the weird ability to speak what my subconscious mind is telling me even before my conscious mind starts to comprehend and analyse what i was thinking. HMMS. hurhur. research and discussion tmr! which means self-research tonight. woots.

and i came across my first ever primary school best friend's blog yesterday. we were best friends since primary one, and we used to hang out a lot at each other's houses playing dolls and masak masak and what not. well but we lost contact after primary six. we stay quite close to each other, but somehow when we meet on the bus sometimes, the natural reflex action would be just to pretend that we didn't see each other. tell me this is not some anti social behaviour unique to me. haha. i can't say that she's changed a lot, i could have expected her to grow up this way. but it's really strange sometimes how two lives can proceed in parallel paths. i guess that's how life goes huh.

in the post secret video, frank said

there are two types of secrets: those that you keep from others, and those you keep from yourself.

so true, ain't it. yup go view the video, or visit the site and read their sunday secrets. maybe they'll inspire you, move you, motivate you, or at the very least, touch you.

alrights. it's naptime! then dinner. then work! bye :)

mistakes mistakes

2007-09-30T13:35:00.000+08:00

LAST DAY OF RECESS WEEK :( which just equals to having to study like MAD for ruddy FAs and the upcoming CA. oh wells. never mind, more food updates man! hahaha.

went to prof hooi's house on thursday for dinner! drove all the way to west coast and got lost in the middle of clementi! poor elizabeth and perry had to suffer through my poor driving skills for almost an hour lah. hahaha. the dinner was very nice, his wife cooked. then we sat around talking about school. after which i zoomed home at 110km/h on aye/cte! haha.

yesterday! thai village at goodwood park hotel. YUMMY tofu, crab, and environmentally unfriendly shark's fin! okay pardon me lah, i only eat about twice a year. okay that was a pathetic excuse. hurhur.

dempsey dinner next sat! yay totally looking forward to pigging out again with the mahjong people man. hahaha.

yet another one of my darlings hurt. enough is enough. SLAP KICK KILL him man. she deserves much better.

now tell me, what do you do if the door that slammed hard in your face decides to open itself again? i think for now, let's just see what happens. after all, it's no strings attached, no promises. WE'LL SEE.

SONIA MUST STUDY NOW. NOW. NOW. enjoy the last few hours of recess week man. hur. bye! (:

ghost of you

2007-09-28T20:32:00.000+08:00

i never knew that the ghost of you will reappear. and i ceased my ability to be civilised. i just couldn't. and i realised that no, i haven't lost the ability to cry about this.

enough is enough, she said. block, not just delete, she added. and so i closed the final channel.

wont you just let me go, since you've decided to so easily. i didn't mean to be so cruel, but like you, i want to be freed.

you said goodbye. let me say mine.

i'm such a psycho

2007-09-26T18:49:00.000+08:00

i just realised that i can very easily sink myself into depression and pull myself out of it within a short time. AM I RUDDY BIPOLAR?! sigh.

one thought, and it all comes back - it still hurts all the same. who am i to fool anyone? of course it still hurts.

she said, 'you're fine what, at least on the outside.'

i'll say. yes i'm fine, inside and outside. just not totally recovered, of course. anyhow, i'm the last person you should worry about. it's weird, hearing you say. no one except one has really been truly worried for me before. but even he knew i could handle most things that came my way, all 21 months. i'm more used to worrying for others, i guess.

thailand - that's not even a certainty now.

i'm wide awake
and i can see
the perfect sky is torn
you're a little late
i'm already torn

natalie imbruglia's right. it's been already shred to pieces. left on the floor to be pieced back together again. maybe one day it will. maybe.

into oblivion

2007-09-24T12:28:00.000+08:00

now for more updates about my ever-booming social life. hahaha. i know it's not like everyone's interested to know, but it's MY blog isn't it! you're here to read all the interesting stuff i blog about right. ahaha. maniacal laughter.

anyway. let's get on with it. saturday was pigging out day. oh well i spend every weekend pigging out. *oinks* it's not like i'm getting any thinner these days. 4 meals over a span of 6 hours! my goodness i must tell you why. i met up with helena roy and sihui and later ruzanna at bugis, for hel's farewell lunch. sigh another one leaving us all for greater horizons in UK!

i'll miss you, you ever-procrastinating-felicity huffman lookalike-slacker girl. take care in uk! dont poison yourself with your uhh, superb cooking. hahaha.

so we ate vietnamese food along seah street, adjourned to a dessert cafe for sinful rich yummy RED VELVET, CHOCOLATE BROWNIE, OREO CHEESE & MALTESER cakes, shopped along the weird but intriguing haji lane, stopped for more sinful yummy STRAWBERRY CHEESECAKE, BITTER CHOCOLATE, SOURSOP SORBET & LYCHEE MARTINI ice cream, moved on to dory's for sinful but satisfying mahjong, plus PIZZA HUT delivery. oh what a long drawn out sentence about my deadly sins committed on saturday. hahaha.

OH and i was on a winning streak for at dory's house! that never happened before. not that it's a good thing, it only makes me want to play more mahjong. NONO recess week is for STUDYING. heheh.

sunday! worked at the clinic for a bit, and talked mostly to my colleague about yummy food joints in singapore. oh nos salivating. plus dinner was billy bombers again! ahhhh.

this blog is turning into a food blog lah. haiyo.

on a more somber note, my instincts are acting up again. but i do hope that i'm wrong. status quo is best right now. but i can just see myself gearing up for a mini-confrontation with the subject once again. oh dont i love instant gratification. nah, i just dont like second-guessing. ugh i'm having conversations with the voices in my head.

girl, we must think for ourselves once in a while. tears pain hurt suffering HEARTACHE - there comes a time when enough is enough. that time, is now.

OFF TO MUG NOW! oh i love saying this. haha. but it doesn't always work out. how come no one believes me when i say i've been slacking a lot! rah. alright enjoy the 3rd day (already) of recess week guys :)

break time!

2007-09-22T00:11:00.000+08:00

IT'S OFFICIALLY RECESS WEEK! YAY. more studying time. haha yes i must make use of this week to catch up with work and readings. and refrain from entertaining my currently booming social life. heheh. a medical student with a booming social life - that's ODD. haha.

today i hung out with tracy flora and tung! it's been a long long time since i met them. as usual, we had mos burger for dinner. haha. everyone's birthday dinner has been mos. we should be ambassadors. hahaha. of course, flora's calvin tagged along. but he's funny to boss around so i dont mind him. haaa. tracy seems to be going down the same path as me. another 40-year-old virgin in the making, haha just like me and dory. oh wells. it's what medicine does to you. hahaha. you become unattainable and unattractive and unmarried. OH what the hell. i'm thinking too far. hahaha.

now for some dismal tragic news. before meeting them for dinner, tracy and i went to mrs serene ng's wake. she taught us english in sec 3. she passed away on my birthday. during labour. she was only 32. apparently her water bag burst while she was in school, and somehow the water infiltrated her lungs and she collapsed. and that was it. but at least her baby boy survived. to think about what her family, husband and daughter must be going through now. she was so so young. and to think about what her son would have to face for the rest of his life. his birthday, his mother's death anniversary. will he ever forgive himself?

it really hit me that she was gone when i saw her face today, in her white coffin and all. she never really made a big impact in my life, but she did make a difference to my secondary school life. for one, she was one of the prettier teachers we took note of, and she was rather prone to pms-ing. but she wasn't a bad teacher. you know how people always say you must learn to treasure each and every day of your life? because you'll never know it'll end, blah blah. i felt that today. although i know that feeling wont last for long, and i'll be back to taking life for granted again. sigh we dont know what we've got till we've lost them right. OH WELL.

i hope you're doing well up there, mrs ng. we'll miss you.

perhaps it's not exactly appropriate to talk about her so explicitly here. i dont know. oh did i mention that tracy and i trekked through the entire unlit mount vernon crematorium before we found the funeral parlour? it was DARK and yes, creepy. but otherwise peaceful and secluded. NOT potential making-out area, if that's what you were thinking. heh we were rather freaked out being lost in such a place, but our survival instincts surpassed us. heheh.

okay so moral of the rather long and disconnected story? we only have 1 life, short, unsatisfying and unfair. live for the ruddy moment! EAT SHOP SLACK SLEEP. succumb to the vices of life. hahahaha. alright you get my point. shan't delabour it. haha.

must go do my tutorial now. HAPPY RECESS WEEK :)

i'm nineteen

2007-09-18T20:43:00.001+08:00

i'm nineteen today! :) oh but i feel so old already.

it's been a nice day. unlike most years, i'm not celebrating my birthday in the middle of exams. heheheh. got a surprise card from my anat group! i'm really quite surprised, cos we barely know each other. haha. and an extremely rich choc cake from the og. so sweet. ALRIGHT I ADMIT IT. i'm shocked that people are being nice to ME. haha. yes a good day, yes it is.

and i met up with roy the man who needs the blotters. yes if you're reading this - you looked REALLY dodgy today. hahaha.

i exercised today! badminton is good for the soul. love going crazy on the court. zeying's crazy. hahaha. okay i must exercise more. my badminton skills were horrible today. must do better for someone who was in the primary school badminton team! ahaha.

and currently, i'm not studying again! this is bad. i didn't do too well for the ruddy biochem fa SO i must buck up. haiya why do i keep saying this but i'm procrastinating! RAH. okay i'll go do my lower limb now. okay maybe after eating my yet-another-extremely-rich cake. ahaha.

FAT.

sonia is being random. she can't string 2 sentences together that make sense. woohoo. okay i must stop NOW.

ooh bye bye bye! AHA.

smiles

2007-09-16T12:19:00.000+08:00

i was so tempted to type yet another melancholic entry about my so-called sad life, but i figured that WHY BE SO DEPRESSED RIGHT. haha.

yesterday i was channel surfing at lunch time, and i came across this documentary on channelnewsasia. it's a show about healthcare professionals working in ren ci hospital called 'obscure cure'. they're mostly foreigners who came over not knowing a word of mandarin or dialect, knowing they'll have to put in thankless effort in exchange for low pay. looking at all the effort that these people put in to help the mostly-bedridden patients, it really touched me as to what i can do for patients as a doctor. not as a hero, but at least to provide some comfort in their suffering. what a humble chore, and yet it's seemingly so glamorous. irony, irony.

in other news, celebrated my birthday with the 4m gang minus xiying last night. billy bombers really did cost a bomb! haha i'm sorry. it's only once a year after all right? only we've got 8 birthdays to celebrate a year. hahaha. after dinner, we headed down to mind cafe. who knew board games could be so fun and yet retarded? haha. after a game of true colours, which i won (HEH), i found out i was the one who

had the most infectious laughter
was most likely to plan a fancy party
was most likely to plan an escape route if we were all stuck on a remote island
most people would call for help if they needed a lifeline
would spend money on something i would lost interest in quickly
would be least likely to forgive and forget

wow it's quite an ego game! haha never mind, as long as it boosts MY ego, which has been long deflated. hehe. ah but it just goes to show i'm a lil crazy, high maintenance and mostly bossy and bitchy. ahaha. anyway it's been very enjoyable hanging out with them, complaining about school and life in general. hahaha. what a bunch of whiny people, but at least it's satisfying to bitch about it once in a while. heh. it's quite a wonder we still continue celebrating each others' birthdays in our 3rd year running. hopefully there'll be many more years to come :)

alright tony romas tonight with the family :D. sigh celebration week is GROWING FATTER week. hahaha.

and there's biochem fa tmr! must go and study the ruddy neuromuscular stuff NOW. and seems like i'm gonna be pounced on tmr - haa. must go hide in my giant guyton. hahaha.

BYE! :)

it's yet another new start.

2007-09-15T01:21:00.000+08:00

i thought that since i've been thrown into a new phase of my life, a new blog skin would be nice. along with all the refurbishments (physical, mental, or otherwise) i've been putting in place.

deletiing, packing, blocking, throwing, changing. it's been strangely therapeutic :)

after all, i was the one who said that when one door closes, sometimes we look back at the closed door for too long. besides, a new door will open. why care about that one that slammed in your face right? YES i'm good at psycho-ing myself. haha i can get used to such liberation.

now that i've got more time to myself, i haven't exactly been doing more studying than before. ahh that's not good. must work harder. GOGOGO. nyeh. i've been thinking of taking up dance lessons again. after all, all medicine textbooks and no play makes sonia a dull girl. and it's been reported that lonely people get more diseases and die earlier! so i will now attempt to be less antisocial and take part in SOME activities lah. and sacrifice my afternoon naps. haha.

it's birthday week! and it's a all-days-short-day week. PLUS it leads up to recess week - which is for studying anyway, BUT it's still a holiday. so life is relatively, good. yay :D

PLAN DECEMBER THAILAND TRIP WITH THOSE TWO FOR SHOPPING SPA MASSAGE SEA SPORTS SLACK MORE SHOPPING - GIRLS WEEK OFF! whoa i cant wait for that. hahaha.

i'm in good spirits! now, isn't that a surprise. haha. okay! must deal with my lower limb tutorial now. byebye :D

wings spread.

2007-09-12T22:34:00.001+08:00

that was true liberation.

rationality

2007-09-09T13:02:00.000+08:00

i seem to have a lot to blog about these days. perhaps grief and stress and depression and jaded-ness helps in self-expression.

ruoyi left today. and what a surprise, it's a letdown.

i wished i know what exactly i'm doing. the rational side of me says it's no harm for keeping the friendship. the emotional side of me says i can't handle all the implications of this new status. what exactly is best for me? i dont want to judge according to what i can get out of this new situation. i wish i can just let things take it's natural course, and take things as they come. but the last time i did that, it ended like this. what i dont know, is the motivation behind this. is it guilt, indebtedness, or just plain friendliness? in a way, i can never view it as something completely normal anymore. i cannot help viewing it with suspicion. i guess that's what hurt does to you. did you ever know?

my dad once told me about the 5 stages of grief. at that time, he wanted to help me get over the possibility that i may not get into med school by rationalising with grief. now, it's supposed to help me handle this loss.

stage 1: self denial. this is self-explanatory, ugh but it's my personal specialty.

stage 2: anger. this is the point when you start blaming everything - yourself, the other party, other factors in the peripheral just to justify the fact that the letdown has occurred.

stage 3: bargaining. this is the equivalent of clinging on to something that has already been lost. i'm very good at this, i must admit.

stage 4: depression. this is when the full force of the loss hits you, and upset feelings overwhelm you. suicidal thoughts are common here.

stage 5: acceptance. well this is enlightenment stage where you learn your lessons and finally let it go and grow stronger.

i seem to jump from 1 stage to the next and sometimes fall back again. like how dory says sometimes. 5 steps forward, 10 steps back. treading the same spot over and over again. it's not to say that rationalising things out with myself is not helping. perhaps i shouldn't be so impatient. i can't expect instant gratification, can i? it can take months, years. but once again, can i trust myself to let things take it's natural course?

yes. self-expression works the best when you're stressed, depressed and jaded.

2007-09-08T13:43:00.000+08:00

Did I disappoint you or let you down?
Should I be feeling guilty or let the judges frown?
Cause I saw the end before we'd begun,
Yes I saw you were blinded and I knew I had won.
So I took what's mine by eternal right.
Took your soul out into the night.
It may be over but it won't stop there,
I am here for you if you'd only care.
You touched my heart you touched my soul.
You changed my life and all my goals.
And love is blind and that I knew when,
My heart was blinded by you.
I've kissed your lips and held your head.
Shared your dreams and shared your bed.
I know you well, I know your smell.
I've been addicted to you.

Goodbye my lover.
Goodbye my friend.
You have been the one.
You have been the one for me.

I am a dreamer but when I wake,
You can't break my spirit -
it's my dreams you take.
And as you move on, remember me,
Remember us and all we used to be
I've seen you cry,
I've seen you smile.
I've watched you sleeping for a while.
I'd be the father of your child.
I'd spend a lifetime with you.
I know your fears and you know mine.
We've had our doubts but now we're fine,
And I love you, I swear that's true.
I cannot live without you.

Goodbye my lover.
Goodbye my friend.
You have been the one.
You have been the one for me.

And I still hold your hand in mine.
In mine when I'm asleep.
And I will bear my soul in time,
When I'm kneeling at your feet.

Goodbye my lover.
Goodbye my friend.
You have been the one.
You have been the one for me.

I'm so hollow, baby, I'm so hollow.
I'm so, I'm so, I'm so hollow.

creeping back to life

2007-09-07T22:56:00.000+08:00

i'm getting better, in that aspect. i'm getting worse, in other aspects.

today we attended the 3rd singapore medical education conference. mainly it was about professionalism and medical ethics. somehow, it changed my perspective about practising medicine in the real world. all this while, even though we've been convincing ourselves that this path that we've taken won't be easy, i don't think we really expected it to be so tough. the ideals i had about medicine and medical school, are slowly, but surely, being gradually eroded away. it's not a rosy picture. it's going to be a struggle to hold on to my idealistic concepts while still trying to survive in medicine. i guess the fundamental reasons for wanting to do medicine must be retained in my already-filled mind.

while prof low was going on about his 10 diamond rules of being a doctor and relating them with his personal experiences, i found that i was very sensitive to loss. he was talking a lot about loss of body functions, loss of quality of life due to disease, and death. somehow, death seems to affect me in a way i don't consciously realise. so much that i didn't know that my eyes were becoming watery when he was telling us stories about death. i must learn to be able to detach myself from death in the wards in future. or else i'll be one depressed person. yes i must be stronger mentally and emotionally.

these days there is so much to handle. and i still have to live up to terrible expectations. i'm trying to keep a balance. but there are so many factors pulling me in different directions. i'll crumble and burn out you know. i'm just not like you. but i can do just as well. you just wait and see.

aim of the day: must hang on and lift self up.

time to go! bye :)

grief

2007-09-02T20:38:00.000+08:00

i've lost everything.

bad pick up line

2007-08-30T20:05:00.000+08:00

being a mugger can make you think of absolutely geeky jokes. beatrice told us this pickup line used by some other guy.

guy: aww, can i be your schwann cell?
girl (irritated, disgusted, etc): NO. you're getting on my nerves!

okay it's not so funny as it was when i was cramming neurohistology into my pea brain. hahaha.

indignant

2007-08-26T13:29:00.000+08:00

it'll never be fair. life's just like that.

yesterday's gathering went well. less than half the class turned up, but in all, it was enjoyable. ruoyi, melissa, helena, and soon, ruzanna. i sure will miss them.

off to mug now. hahahaha. bye!

insecurity

2007-08-19T22:52:00.000+08:00

i hate the feeling of inadequacy. now, that shouldn't be surprising in med school, should it? despite the fact that we're all in here basically means we have the potential. perhaps some people just show it much more than others, like NOT yours truly.

before this entry turns into a screaming-of-insecurity post, i will stop boring YOU to death with my endless-as-usual whines and rants. and continue with other more exciting and interesting news.

like reading guyton and wheaters and snell. woohoo! 1 textbook is more than 1000 pages thick. and no, it doesn't feel like reading harry potter. of course, once again, i'm slipping into autopilot for complains again. hahaha.

i know i shouldn't be behaving this way. complaining my ass off. ESPECIALLY when i'm getting what i wanted. especially when i chose this right from the beginning. for the first time in my life, i'm finally getting my first choice, so i should quit feeling this way and acting like a jerk who doesn't know when to be thankful. people around me are telling me that there are hundreds of others who would love to be in my position. yes that's true, but that's besides the point. ok the point is - sonia shall just refrain from complaining. well maybe with the exception of the boyfriend, who must take all my shit. hahaha. poor thing huh.

now let's talk about the good things about med sch. well first, the subject matter we're learning is fantastic. there is probably no other thing i'll rather learn about. secondly, we're study with our future colleagues! haa. it's great to be around like-minded people who are in this course for the same reasons as me, although i can't say for sure that there are many of these people in the faculty. i can only hope to get to know more of them. thirdly, and most importantly, this is the first step to doing what i really want to do in life! how could i have forgotten about my marathon? yes the basic fundamental reason must keep me sane and grounded. anyone who feels that i've stepped across that fine line - please slap me.

i dont want to go into the cons of the med sch. i'll definitely look back at this entry and think how pathetically self-centered and weak i am. what doesn't kill me will make me stronger. we all survive on cliches, don't you agree? hahaha.

sigh. i am one self-conscious girl. even when i know i'm doing the right thing, i still think about how others view me. okay sonia also must deal with her insecurity issue. refrain from succumbing to the inferiority complex. yesyes. and step out of my comfort zone, or box - like the picture below. heh.

it's time for another week in school! BYE world :)

i can fly

2007-08-12T23:01:00.000+08:00

FREEDOM.

comes in a red-coloured four-wheel carriage.

:)

non-model student

2007-08-09T16:54:00.000+08:00

HAPPY NATIONAL DAY!

what a happy little day. but i'm voluntarily staying home to camp in front of the computer. to do what? MED STUFF. hahahaha. maybe i'm such a unnecessarily overstressed up freshie babe (ok this is an overstatement). but after what i've seen, it seems quite essential to start planning ahead, reading ahead and all to prevent drowning, humiliation and other unpalatable situations. hahaha.

the past few days have been dedicated to rag and flag 07. basically i've been sewing the darn pink+purple+blue+brown plane. it's such a wonder that all these sweat and effort put into building floats can just be thrown away a few hours after the event - straight into the recycling bin. haha such an irony, isn't it? the float is supposedly made up of recycled materials, then at the end of the day it's being sent to be recycled again! haa. okay let's move on.

good news! i'm crawling back up from my cave of ignorance. and gotten a counsellor! yay. and i'll be buying giant thick grandfather textbooks tmr. MUST TAKE CAB HOME. before i get physically buried by the weight. yes i must.

should it be BUSINESS or BUSYNESS? so those people taking business courses must be completely occupied with their constant state of being busy right? HAHA. randomania.

and i just did some online shopping for accessories at my friends' site! they handmake very pretty accessories. interested? (yes you should be cos i just blew $45 on necklaces) heh prices are quite affordable. visit http://boutons.blogspot.com/ and blow your money away :)

okay i must go now to read up on FIRST AID. who wants to be my dummy? CPR! heheheh. bye! :)

recollections

2007-08-07T18:00:00.000+08:00

as i watch you.
and you.
and you.
and you.

should i
gleam with fascination
nod in agreement
speak up to participate
cover my eyes with disgust
or just shut up and let it go through me.

you make me wonder.
why am i different
are you the strange weird one i cant comprehend or am i?

will i ever accept this.
will i.

2 days on in med sch - there's still so much to see.

unfortunately, i judge.

STRANGE

2007-07-23T22:23:00.000+08:00

today i was taking the train back home after my medical check up at nus. and i was wondering how things would be if humans had 4 hands.

IMAGINE. 4 limbs sticking out of your upper body. multi tasking heaven! we can type, eat, answer the phone and dig our nostril at the same time! only thing is that we'll look slightly retarded. and clumsy. it'll be good for ndp right. we can hold 4 props per person. waha.

okay evidently i'm a weird person.

i'm feeling. INDECISIVE. i dont want to disappoint anyone. but i can't make everyone happy.
i'm not superwoman.
maybe it's time i admitted that.

liberation!

2007-07-19T19:54:00.000+08:00

YES. i've gotten my ticket to freedom. blue little card and that luminous triangle plate!

it was horribly nerve wrecking before the test lah. not unlike the feeling i had while waiting for my turn during the medicine interview. and not unlike that particular time, i felt weirdly calm while going through the test. hahaha. i'm happy.

well. it's not like i'm getting my own car, or getting unlimited access to one. never mind. this little card is a start. heh.

on a separate note, i'm really happy for you, ruz! :)

oh yes. i'm not getting a break before school starts. my last day at work is the 4th of august! it does seem rather psychotic to be working so much. hahaha but at least i'll be earning some pocket money before i realise i have to stretch out my hand for money yet again.

after working for 8 months plus, i've come to realise the value of work. now i can't imagine myself being inactive for more than 3 days. i just cannot face the reality of doing nothing at home, or being able to enjoy myself for a prolonged period of time. haha.

although i can't say that i enjoy work entirely at my company right now, i have to say that my colleagues have made things less painful. no lunch hour, no breaks, office politics, endless tasks to complete...... i'm glad that it's made me more resilient to nonsense.

so i'll try to enjoy what's left of my stint here.

'the last thing you need now is to feel vulnerable.'

life is going so well now, sometimes i wonder when it'll start to go downhill.

emo day

2007-07-16T23:52:00.000+08:00

some days i seem to discover more and more about myself. but some days i seem to lose myself in the things i do and not really understand why i do the things i do.

layers. there are layers and layers of me left for you to learn.

i'll be waiting for you.

what goes around - comes around

2007-07-01T10:16:00.000+08:00

i've got a new haircut! i've got short fringe now. heh which translates to - NO MORE BALD HEAD + RECEDING HAIRLINE. yay! however i look a bit retarded now. haha.

plus! i'm getting my braces off on 12th july! LIBERATION FROM METAL PIECES STUCK TO THE FOOD GRINDING MACHINES. hehehehe.

i want to drive i want to drive i want to drive. and i want to buy my triangle plate soon and stick it on my parents' cars! nyeh it's not as if they'll let me drive it without installing a brake system in the front passenger seat (like the ssdc cars) and my dad slamming on it at 5 second intervals. i want my own car! applications are open for sponsorship of sonia's first car. heh.

and i just went for my first mahjong session in 2 years last night. with flora tung and their boyfriends. okay i was the shameless 5th person. haha. but it was such a hilarious night. and i realise i forgot all mahjong rules. like tais, feng, and who rolls the darn dice. haha. i need intensive sessions. hopefully the gang sleepover works out. then i'll have more practice! hee.

my goodness i watched singapore lose to australia last night. DEPRESSING. they had so many chances! okay but the aussie goalkeeper was really good. lionel lewis must have been overwhelmed. SIGH. what a way to close the stadium. plus, their tribute to the old lady was quite lame. brian and mark richmond running from spot of grass to spot of grass to demonstrate something that happened 30 years ago. and the entire audience watching in confusion. haiyo.

the boyfriend wants to watch transformers. so i shall go now. TRANSFORMERS - DESTROY! whatever that blocks their path. oh yeah.

bye!

after my hiatus.

2007-06-23T18:15:00.000+08:00

hello :)

i'm back from hong kong!! yay. disneyland ocean park ladies street tsim tsa tsui avenue of stars victoria peak. WHOA. it's a great place. but of course my feet shrivelled up and died due to the endless midnight shopping! the night markets rock. my mom and i went crazy. LET'S LIST DOWN MY LOOT. my goodness i'm rambling. hahaha.

2 pairs of shiny pumps (mine) + 2 pairs of pumps (mummy)
white esprit jacket
white bag
black puma bag
pink crystal necklace
eeyore necklace
STITCH - as in lilo
2 esprit tees
8 boxes of LAO PO biscuits (nyahaha)
1 heroic rendezvous tee (yesyes inspiration from tung)
souvenirs for most people - yes HURRAY now.

oh yes there's more. i can't remember now. hahaha. of course, our bank accounts are screaming for help. heehee.

AND we ate so much. my stomach is 3 times its normal-already-quite-big size. SIGH.

okay i'm being excitable.

i can't reiterate this enough but i've been busy. deepest apologies to huai yuan. i do believe you can make it though.

where is my nus package! i'm getting paranoid cos they're not sending me stuff yet. what if they didn't receive my form a! what if they decided that they'll reject me now! i worry.

i can't wait for my driving test! made my way down to ssdc today to find that the next earliest driving lesson is in july! oh no. my revision lessons! *deep breath* never mind. i will pass with flying colours - zero demerit points. yes i will! watch me.

okay lah. give about 10 points grace. hahahaha.

oh well. i'll have my personal chaffeur soon! with the name of dorinda chew chee yeeeeeee. oh yes you'll pass. first ride in the orange car's for me and huilin. and we'll go paint the city red. 1 pail is enough. singapore's too small. hahahaha.

don't i have the uncanny ability to be too lame and disconnected while rambling like an ass? YES I DO.

i'm still excitable. must be the crazy cup of tea i drank at work this morning. i feel like vibrating. haha.

okay i think that's enough for you all. soup spoon tomorrow! BIG BOWL SOUP. ya okay.

bye! :)

no time to spare

2007-06-10T23:06:00.000+08:00

i've been busy! hahahaha.

work is beyond hectic. i'm in a department of understaffed, underfed and misunderstood people. that makes me one of them. hahaha. work has been quite alright actually, it's nice to have things to occupy me throughout the day. although there are pissifying parts of the job. people who matter tell me that i'm horribly underpaid for all the hours and effort i'm putting in, but i guess this is the training i'm giving myself for the rest of my life. it's going to be much more hectic than this is future. BUT YEAH I CAN DO IT. heh.

and i met up with dory and huilin twice this week! it's a miracle. usually we meet up twice in six months. haha. we went to sentosa! to tan. and unknowingly attract unwanted attention. hahaha. sometimes, too much attention is worse than no attention at all. nyeh. but guess what! i'm half a shade darker now. err. yay. sweated so much for half a shade of beige. oh well.

i'm going to hongkong next week! from thursday to sunday! yay more shopping! not that the gss is not doing enough damage to my bank balance. SIGH. the temptations of new shoes clothes bags accessories makeup STUFF. there can never be enough. SEE. working all day is a good thing. at least i dont have the time to spend. which i did a lot the past 3 days. i think i busted a good 200 bucks. SIGH.

okay i should go. long days ahead. oh yes but hong kong beckons. YAY. bye! :)

grandeur

2007-06-02T00:58:00.000+08:00

are we always waiting for old people to die? even people who happen to be old, like our grandparents?

how is it that i love my grandparents so much but i still find myself thinking whether they'll still be around when i graduate, when i get married, when i give birth to my first child. am i waiting for them to die, to convince myself, that - no, they have gone. you were too late.

but i dont want them to ever go.

beneath all their nagging and their incessant need to ask, "have you eaten?" and their another incessant reminder, "remember to come home earlier!"... sometimes i forget why they're here.

to tell us war stories to remind us how fortunate we are.
to remind us to eat the yucky tonic soups and herbal teas.
to be there to teach us how to play mahjong and sew.
to stand up for us when our parents go too far in being neurotic.
to pamper us, just because.

and yet sometimes we forget how valuable they are.

we think they're deaf cos we have to repeat ourselves just once.
we think they're demented cos they can't remember what we said 2 weeks ago.
we think they're useless cos they can't run, jump, talk or do chores as quickly as we can.
we think they're hopeless cos they don't think like we do.

so we dismiss them. even though we don't really want to.

even in their weakest moments, they're still doing what they can for us. even though they don't realise it. their weaknesses, serve their purpose to make us remember how life passes by and that we should hold on to what we have now before we lose it. and can only miss the days of the past, like they do.

but do we heed what grandparents say? usually it goes one ear in, and out the other.

ever wondered why grandparents are called grandparents? i don't really know. maybe it's cos they're there to show us the grandeur of it all. of the life we're all living, but taking for granted.

all we can do is to cherish the grandeur.
to not forget to remember them.

because
before you know it,
they would have slipped away.

:)

2007-05-20T19:31:00.000+08:00

sonia is happy :)

it takes a while to register that from one day to another, your future can change from unbelievably uncertain to settled. very satisfactorily settled.

surreal.

actually, not really. it's years of hard work. but it's good hard work. i love it.

anyone who knows me knows that i detest running.

but this is a marathon i wouldn't miss for the world.

ready
set
go

it's the second lap.

only the second lap.

but i know. i'll be smiling through this :)

euphoria

2007-05-03T17:41:00.000+08:00

yay i have finished the first lap! hahahaha. okay i finished it last week but yeah. i'm glad it's over for now. can't wait for the results though. waha.

let me through
let me through
let me through

heh.

but on another note. it hurts. to know some one who totally deserves it doesn't get it while there are some others who don't give a shit, but still get it. okay let's leave it like this. RAH.

on other news. YAY i'm employed again! rocks rocks rocks rocks.

$$$$$ !

haha. okay of course it isn't all about the money - although it's a big part. yay! at least i'll have things to do now. HAHAHA. rocks.

thank goodness i didn't rely on those recruit agencies. unreliable things. sigh.

plus. i'm down with flu - again! drats.

but still. YAY YAY YAY. i am employed! *claps*

wahahahahahahahahaha.

started.

2007-04-23T14:31:00.000+08:00

the first hurdle is over.

but i have no idea whether i've jumped over it, slammed head first into it or knocked the darn hurdle down and fell face flat. i'll never know till i reach the end of the first lap.

oh yes it's only the start of the first lap.

a race that lasts for the rest of my life.

i just gotta keep on running.

the double hurdle is coming.

this ain't a scene, it's a damn arms race!

2007-04-19T00:34:00.000+08:00

okay it's not an arms race. but it's a darn marathon. once you start, you cannot stop.

it's time.

ready.
set.
GO!

all the way baby. no turning back.

stitches, hyperventilation, asthma attack? COME WHAT MAY.

you, your words, your actions - TOO BAD (or lan lan, haha)

you can't stop me.

it's time to fly.

road trip

2007-03-28T10:07:00.000+08:00

Anyone can become angry – that is easy. But to be angry with the right person, to the right degree, at the right time, for the right purpose, and in the right way – this is not easy.
- Aristotle, The Neomachean Ethics

the golden mean. achieve that philosophical greatness.

independence of thought
autonomy in action
engagement in society
universalism
relentless pursuit of truth

substance. the people far and few between.

independence
stress tolerance
empathy
impulse control
flexibility

emotional intelligence. to care, to cure, to help, to reassure.

the road to excellence of being. long, winding, treacherous.

but yes. i can make it. i must. i will.

i think.

2007-03-14T16:11:00.000+08:00

i think i still don't bloody know myself after 19 years of life.

the things that i truly want and the things that i think i should have - have merged and i can't differentiate between them.

do i want to do this because i really like it, or i think i should like it?

will something sustain me for the rest of my life?

what is my purpose in life, my ultimate aim?

i've always thought that it was to be a doctor. being one is still an aim. it is something i REALLY want. really really really.

i don't exactly know what is the driving force behind the reason of this aim. is there an aim behind this aim? there should be. but i don't know it.

it's all too complicated to comprehend.

why do i want to do something? bloody hell sometimes i don't even know.

and why do i instinctively have certain feelings and thoughts and wants?

why?
why?
why?

my brain - the jumbled mess.

well then.

2007-03-07T10:00:00.000+08:00

i did okay for a levels. yay, i guess. the feeling i'm getting is just short of indifference. WHY. when i was so anxious over the results. i guess the feeling just wears off. too quickly. especially when there are more pressing things to do now. applications, interviews, tests.... one wave after another. it doesn't seem to end, does it?

whatever it is, congrats to all who have done well. wooooots. *claps* :) now we conquer the world. hahahahahahahahahahaha - evil laughter.

and all i ever wanted was your approval. but now i am nasty.

oh i felt the tremors! twice. but our reaction seems overrated as compared to the people truly affected by the earthquake. probably we overreact.

yes! we're meeting up. finally! dory + huilin - no more postponements okay. haha alright i'm usually the guilty one. can't wait to see you guys again.

more effort - it takes two hands to clap.

where has all the time gone to? one minute it was the end of last a level paper, and the next, we're here slogging it out at our various admin positions - while balancing sideline jobs, university admissions, back up plans, meet-up time with friends, the men in our lives, and family committments. i haven't cleared up any clutter on my table since a levels. who knows, i may still find superposition notes in my 'IN' tray. haaaa.

HANDLE IT. yes i will.

weeeeeeeeeee.

2007-02-26T15:09:00.000+08:00

friday is coming.

it's a holiday!

2007-02-19T13:04:00.000+08:00

helloooooooooooo!

happy chinese new year! :) it's nice to be away from work for these few days.

on a separate note, you know, sometimes i don't feel like being alive. no, not to run away from horrible problems or whatever. sometimes, it just feels quite tiring being a human, isn't it? being on the sidelines watching the world go round seems seducing. not having to make decisions, not having to face up to reality of life and the troubles...

don't you ever wonder WHY you're you? and why are you living? why are you sitting here reading this blog entry?

maybe i'm an escapist.

or maybe, i am super duper wooly wolly eeeety beety petrified for the a level results which are coming out real soon. i don't really want to know how badly i've done. how i have just missed the bar, by just a little. as usual.

it's quite miserable. knowing that all your life, you've never lived up to your own expectations. you've always missed it. like jumping off and missing your life line, by a tiny weeny bit.

perhaps. it's just that i have horribly high expectations, and my abilities, just fall short of any expectations i have of myself. why is it that others can have equally high expectations and meet them, and yet i can't... falling short.

now, haven't i already mentioned that it's quite miserable. haaa.

but this is how it is. i can't question why i am who i am. why my abilities don't deliver, why i fall short, why everyone thinks i'm doing fine the way i am and i'm the only one dissatisfied... there's only one choice, and that's to face it.

and if i fall short yet again?

this time failing to achieve my dream?

i guess i can console myself that it isn't the first time.

whatever it is, BEST OF LUCK to everyone receiving their results soon! :)

now. it's back to counting ang paos and stuffing love letters down my throat. bye!

the little things i see and feel

2007-02-03T14:54:00.000+08:00

hello!

it has been a long long while since i last updated. nearly a month's worth of work, work and more work! i've experienced so many things within this one month, and i'm lazy to explain. hence, i'm going to just randomly say things. now, isn't this familiar. hahaha.

firstly. i'm sorry to all those people i have disappointed cos i couldn't turn up for various gatherings due to work committments. i don't mean to, and i can only say, i would have, if i could have. and i'll try to make up for it ya?

secondly, mrt rides are living commentaries of singaporeans. it's amusing, yet exasperating. it's understandable somehow, yet horribly frustrating at the same time. haaa.

driving is fun! yes it is. and I WANT MY OWN CAR. there are days i feel so tempted to drive my parents' cars. weeee!

the next time you see an elderly person trying to get you to get packets of tissue, JUST BUY IT. it's not that expensive after all. it's 1 buck. seeing a smile on his/her face definitely beats seeing a pained expression when you brush them off indiscriminately.

even the giant hawker centre food will get boring after a while.

i'm taking out my braces in march! long overdue, i have to say. i can't look this ugly any longer. hahaha.

i miss reading story books. they do extraordinary things to you. they open your heart. they make you feel emotions that you never knew. they make you question your beliefs. it's nice. heh.

i've truly understood the importance of money. no, it's not like i didn't know it before. it just hit me the desperate need for money for us to live on. no, it's not about love never fails and all that kind of emotional sustenance. it's about physical existence. perhaps it was cos money never troubled me very much in the past, with allowances and all. now i have to support myself, and pay for my own driving lessons. DRIVING IS UBER EXPENSIVE, i tell all you lucky pigs out there who don't have to pay for lessons yourselves.

okay. that was whiny me talking.

oh yes. i heard the a level results are coming out real soon. and i mean chinese new year time. now PANIC. okay now CHILL. hahaha. there's nothing anyone can do about it now. oh wells.

i'm off to find out what's the rage about second life, and check out nice cheap cars to dream about. bye! :)

the aftermath.

2007-01-07T11:12:00.000+08:00

hellooooo :)

after a week of work! i've become more tired lah. looks like i'll need to sleep at 10.30 every night to get enough sleep for the next day. especially when i have to work at my dad's place that night. BUT. work has been fun! i'm not complaining about being in air conditioned places all day. haha. and sitting on my bum all day too! oh yes i am growing fat. WAH.

anyway. i have compiled a list of random things about working people from the observations i've made this past week. some are super irritating, others are amusing. either way, they're interesting. haaa.

1. you know, all the things they say about ugly singaporeans who dont give way, no matter what? IT IS TRUE. sigh. but then you'll only encounter these (a large number of them, unfortunately) in the morning peak hour. here's how to identify them : they stand on the right side of the escalator. they rush forward towards the mrt door, squashing those passengers alighting (what do you think the yellow lines are for?!). they don't think twice when they see an empty seat (FORWARD!). they cut queues like free. i emphasize - LIKE FREE LAH. haiyo. and i do my best to remain zen and harmonious. *oomphh*

2. LUNCH HOUR! i love lunch hour. hahaha. cos i work at beach road, there's lots of nice food to choose from. but i highly recommend the army market food centre. absolutely fantastic hawker food. haha. not to mention, fatty food. but who's caring right! hahaha.

3. and during lunch hour, these working people having lunch actually look exactly like classes going for class outing. they sit in cliques, gossip, bitch. NOW, doesn't that seem familiar? hahaha. and of course they even play games to pass time, till 1pm when they have to drag themselves back to their little cubicles. haha.

4. another thing i realised. all working people look the same! it's quite scary, cos all the women sport the same look - similar clothes, same hair colour, same hair style... it's crazy! the guys, even worse. they don't even have the option of deciding between skirts and pants in the morning. thus, they look like clones lah. oh my goodness. but that's not to say that i wear haute couture to work, so i really shouldn't be commenting. hahaha. BUT THEY ALL LOOK THE SAME.

5. everyone speaks mandarin. okay i shan't generalise cos there are caucasians around, but almost everyone speaks mandarin! seriously. spot a chinese group of working people? 80% of the time, they are speaking mandarin. perhaps i lead a sheltered life, but it isn't very easy conversing in mandarin all day. it's like chinese lessons all over again. so much for no more chinese ever after those damn a levels. sigh.

6. watch out for those working married women with young children. there are 2 types of them. 1 type, there are obsessed with their children. so all they talk about is about their ah boy, or pretty ah girl. the other type, they prod. endlessly. about YOUR life. every single detail of your life. how old are you, where do you stay, what's your dialect, what school did you attend, do you have a boyfriend, how old is he, what does he do, what do you parents do, what are you planning to do for your future.... oh goodness you know the drift. all you can do is - OOMPH. remain zen. hahaha. the funny thing is, when you ask them about their life, which actually is your way of trying to be polite (even though you dont really give a damn), they give you a freaking dirty look that says 'is it any of your business?!' seriously. OOMPH.

7. the people i've seen? they love to complain. me included, as you can see. hey, it's a way of destressing. hahaha.

and that's about all. oh ya! i saw these 2 guys starting a fight in a crowded bus in the little aisle of the bus. and what was the problem? 1 guy hit the other accidentally while moving into the bus. SERIOUSLY. and the rest of us passengers? we watched on with concern, but no one helped. typical, isn't it. hey, in case you were wondering, obviously i couldn't possibly pull either of them away. haiyer.

okay i think i've got enough of rambling about work and people. hahaha. time to mug for my basic theory test! must pass. I MUST. okay happy working, people! bye :)

here i come!

2007-01-02T20:20:00.000+08:00

tomorrow! we start work. brother starts school. boyfriend goes back to army. friends wait in anticipation (or dread?) for enlistment. so exciting! ahhhhhhhhhhh. hopefully everything goes well. shall not embarrass myself on the first day of work. haaa.

tomorrow! sonia is super woman! wahaha.

since it's the last day of the holidays, i shall entertain with some quotations from wikipedia. these are some advertising slogans. yes i am bored. have a great start! enjoy :)

"Connecting people." ~ Nokia

"Keeps going and going and going." ~ Energizer Batteries

"Hello Moto" ~ Motorola

"Do you... Yahoo!?" ~ Yahoo!

"Intel inside" ~ Intel

"The world's local bank" ~ HSBC

"Between love and madness lies Obsession." ~ Calvin Klein

"Every kiss begins with Kay" ~ Kay Jewelers

"Impossible is nothing." ~ Adidas

"Just do it" ~ Nike, Inc.

"Maybe she's born with it ~ maybe it's Maybelline" ~ Maybelline

"Lifts and separates" ~ Playtex Cross-Your-Heart bra

"Because you're worth it" ~ L'oreal Cosmetics

"Betcha can't eat just one" ~ Lay's potato chips

"Got Milk?" ~ California Milk Processor Board

"Probably the best beer in the world!" - Carlsberg

"Always Coca Cola" Coca Cola

"Ask For More" Pepsi Cola

"The freshmaker!" ~ Mentos

"Have a break, have a Kit Kat"

"Riiiicolaaaaa" ~ Ricola

"The milk chocolate melts in your mouth, not in your hand." ~ M&Ms

"Finger lickin' good!" ~ KFC

"I'm lovin' it" McDonalds

"Malaysia, Truly Asia", Malaysia Tourism Board

"Singapore Girl, you're a great way to fly" ~ Singapore Airlines

"The power of dreams" ~ Honda

"The ultimate driving machine" ~ BMW

"Zoom Zoom [Zoom]" ~ Mazda

whoa. it is a long list! waha. i only picked those i know and remember. wahaaaa. okay bye! :)

another end, another start.

2006-12-31T16:38:00.000+08:00

hello :)

it's the last day of the year. 31st of december 2006. tomorrow is the 1st of january 2007! how exciting. it's yet another year. this year has been filled with so many many things that happened, and things that didn't happen. mostly it has been filled with endless torturous studying. hahaha. aren't i glad that the ordeal is finally over.

make ups, break ups, hook ups. haha relationship galore this year. all of my closest friends have faced either or all of these this year. i have to admit, relationships aren't as easy to maintain as i thought. effort - the most important keyword. laughter and tears are part and parcel of that. however i am thankful that i'm in a fulfilling relationship. and good luck to all of you in relationships. yes i'm talking to you - huilin, tracy, flora, chingtung...!

health is wealth, they say. i agree. i'm thankful that i've been generally healthy this past year. haha at least i am not falling ill every month! hee. thanks to vegetables and fruits and lots and lots of water i guess. of course, not to mention yucky tonic soups painfully swallowed. haha.

bestest friends, besties, the gang. i'm glad we're still keeping in contact. although we may not meet so often, it's great that during birthday celebrations/shopping sprees/hotel stays, we never have a single moment of silence. haha we still have just as much to talk about. just like the old times. hopefully, in the new year, we'll still keep in contact, and meet up more often to share laughs. haaa. i feel like an oldie. alright this is allowed on the last day of the year. haha.

2007. a new year of challenges. a level results. my new job. oh yes! i found a job yesterday! woots. university. *crosses fingers for medicine* new friends. new colleagues. new employers. new lessons. very exciting! i can't wait. hahaha. tonight - countdown! yay.

i don't have resolutions. i don't keep them. waha. BUT i still seek to improve myself. yesyes go go sonia! maybe i should resolve not to bitch so much. hahaha maybe karma is true. but still, sometimes i just can't resist it. HAAAAA. whatever. maybe i should resolve to not be so random. and lame. and weird. and fat. and.. too many lah. see! haiyer.

time to go for my new years eve dinner! happy new year to all. have a fulfilling one :)

sigh

2006-12-29T10:37:00.000+08:00

job searching is hard!

you guys out there with lobangs please help me! desperate plea here. hahaha. i look forward to your call :)

iDESIRE.

2006-12-26T19:15:00.000+08:00

nope. not the massage chair. today i present to you my latest drool-worthy wishlist which only consists of 4 items! see. i am NOT greedy. hahahaha.

look! the (moto) red phone! so yummy and delicious and in my favourite colour. haa. i know it doesn't have much in the functions department, but it looks GOOD. wahaha. i want it. and besides, buying that phone helps in the fight against AIDS! yesyes of course i am anti-aids.

next up! shoes! nice nice foxy shoes - quoted from dorinda chew. hahaha. they are pretty. but expensive. these are all from aldo! very nice right! hmph *drools*

nice, aint it? haha i wanna buy more more more accessories. i am addicted to earrings, if you don't already know. but cheap ones only. for example, push carts at cine. haha. but i do like higher end quirky jewelry too! yay.

and i want a nike bag like this! haha. actually there's another one i've been looking out for. BUT they are all above a hundred bucks! how to afford. another lust-only item. hahaha.

now. enough lusting. hahaha how am i gonna afford even 1 item? yes! WAIT FOR THE PAY. haha the end of the month is here :) but must control the spending lah. there wont be any allowance from now on. yikes! hahaha. can't wait to start work next year too. but the thing is that i haven't found a job! oops. time to go job hunting seriously. not a la job street anymore! haiyoo.

it's the end of the year! and time to reflect and things. but not today! hahaha. maybe tomorrow. hang on, don't drown, people! hahaha. bye! :)